Limits

On the first day of grad school, I was late to class.  I underestimated the time it would take me to walk from the Foggy Bottom Metro stop to the Georgetown campus.  (For all you wondering, get off at Rosslyn and walk to Georgetown from there.  Even though Rosslyn is in Virginia, it's still MUCH closer than the Foggy Bottom stop.)  It was hot and humid and horrible to walk/run that far knowing full-well that I would be shamefully late to my very first day of class...  What a way to make a first impression.

I stumbled into the small classroom, the door featuring my entrance directly in front of my 15 on-time classmates.  It turned out that it was ok that I was late - the professor was still having the class do introductions, and my name hadn't yet been pulled from the stack.

Once introductions were completed, our professor began a discussion about politics and why there is conflict/disagreement in politics.  It turns out there are 2 very specific reasons:  limited time and limited resources.  There is also, I suppose, some differences based on differing opinions of ends, but generally the ends in politics are agreed upon.  We all want everyone to have food, shelter, safety, health, etc.  The difference is the method we go about in achieving those goal.  (Please understand, I'm speaking generalities here - I know there are other differences, but if you think broadly, these limits do cause most of the trouble.)  And if we weren't limited by time and resources, then we'd likely not have as many arguments as we do today.

Imagine if our world wasn't limited even just by monetary bounds.  Imagine what you would do if money were never an issue, not only for you, but also for all of those around you...  Mind blowing, really.  And imagine if we not only had unlimited funds, but also unlimited time.  ...Absolutely unimaginable.  


If those two restrictions were not part of my life, then last night I wouldn't have wondered what I should do after putting the baby down.  I wouldn't have debated among reading, playing video games with Chase, watching TV, blogging, playing on Facebook, or playing Angry Birds, because I would have had all the time in the world.  And maybe I would have decided to fly to Columbus, Ohio to visit my dear college roomie.  If I weren't limited by time or resources, I could have taken the time and money to fly or do any of a million other things I want to do.  (Ultimately, I settled on Angry Birds. Killing some fat, green pigs always makes me feel better.)

Even if resources were still limited, but I had unlimited time, then I wouldn't constantly feel the need to treasure moments with Liliana and Chase. I wouldn't  in the same way have the desire to bottle up Lily's little laughs and waves and giggles and moments of sheer adorableness.  I wouldn't in the same way value every second I get to spend with my very best friend facing the challenges of life head on, together.

Limits mean we have to make choices.  I have to make choices.  There's a mind set out there that we "need to be intentional" with our time.  Maybe that phrase was overdone for me years ago.  I don't really want to be reminded to "be intentional."  I already feel the pressure of the limits on my life - the sorrow of the things I desperately want to do that will never happen because I simply don't have the time or resources to make them happen.

Every day I make choices within the bounds of my limited time and limited resources.  I choose where I spend my time, and I choose carefully.  I know the value of each of my moments.  I feel the weight of selecting how I will spend each breath.  I feel the pressure of needing to be there when I want to be here, and wanting to be there when I'm needing to be here.

I don't want to have to be intentional.  But I do have to be, so I am.  I guess that's just part of life.

Speaking of life and intentionality, here are some ways this summer that I have intentionally spent my life:

1.  Celebrating the marriage of dear friends at their wedding reception:

2.  Watching my daughter interact with and learn from her little friends:

3.  Treasuring those moments that I feel like often only I get to see as Lily's mom:

4.  Spending time with my family and our friends at the lake... and teaching Lily to wave.  :)

5.  Making the most out of a diaper blow out at the lake.

Celebrating Independence Day

This summer has been very different for me.  Before I've even come to grips with summer, the 4th of July is upon me, and I'm not really ready for summer to be 1/2 over (although the temperatures could sure stand to drop a little).

Usually I feel like I take at least a little time to appreciate all the time, the effort, the sacrifice, the work that went into the founding of the United States of America.  Those men and by extension their wives and children, "Mutually pledge[d] to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our Sacred Honor."  They didn't really know what that would mean at that time.  They didn't really understand that 250 years later what they did would impact my life.  They couldn't possibly have grasped the price that they would have to pay.  But they also couldn't possibly have anticipated the benefit, the blessing, the gift that they would give to so many who would come after them.

Today I really didn't take time to think about all that until now.  I slept in.  I made potato salad.  I went to a barbecue.  I watched my husband lose to his brother at horse.  I watched my nephews light of who knows how much $ in fireworks.  And now, at 11:47pm, I finally take a moment to consider the cost and appreciate the sacrifice.

But that, in itself, is a gift.  The fact that I can go through an entire day without thinking about defending my freedoms.  I slept in because there are and have been soldiers around the world defending my freedoms.  I made potato salad because our economic system provides potatoes, eggs, Miracle Whip, and all the other things I needed to be at the grocery store just down the street.  I went to a barbecue because my friends and family had the day off to celebrate our nation's birth with me.  I watched my husband lose to his brother at horse because he had an "off night."  (Sorry honey.)  My nephews could light off fireworks because the government can't regulate everything we do - at least for now.

I'm thankful that I don't have to think about, worry about, fret about my freedoms each day or each moment.  This Independence Day, I'm thankful that I can be absorbed with "normal life," and that's ok.  And just to share a little of the joy with you, here are some pictures from tonight.
Lily with my friend Sarah in excited anticipation of the fireworks starting.

Lil and I seconds before the fireworks started...

Lil and I as the fireworks began... clearly she is more attentive to them than I am.  :)

Happy Independence Day.  Here's to living normal life and to all those who have made that possible.

Overwhelmed again

I will post again about happy things, but today, as in the last post, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  Why is life hard?  Why do we have to face hard things, hurtful things, lifelong agony, overwhelming anguish?

Summer should be a time of joy, of light hearted play, of whimsy.  And it is, except when it's not.  I feel like this summer hasn't given me a reprieve.  I feel like I am carrying a heavy burden and it nearly breaks me.  Nearly.

After my brother died, my family was given a framed print with the words, "Whatever God asks you to lift, He gives you the grace to carry."  It's true.  I live each day by grace.  I survive and even thrive each day by grace.  By grace I enjoy life, inspite of the burden I feel on my shoulders.  I enjoy my daughter, I love my husband, I bask in the warmth of the sun, by God's grace.

In the Bible, God promises He won't give us more than we can handle.  I can't tell you how many times over the course of my life I have wished He didn't trust me so darn much.  Why do I have to carry these burdens?  Why have I been trusted with them?  And if I must carry these hard burdens, why also do I have to carry little burdens like laundry and cleaning and cooking and dishes?  I suppose it's what makes us human - that everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time; that we all have to take time out of each day to eat, to sleep, to visit the bathroom.  It's humbling and frustrating.  Why do I have to spend time on these menial tasks when I feel the pressure of the important, big things I have to deal with?

And why can't I find my power cord to my computer today?  Why do I have to cut this post short just because the dumb power cord is buried somewhere in the disaster that is my house?

I'm whining, and you have as many hard things to deal with as I do.  I'm just feeling a little alone and a little overwhelmed.  We all do sometimes.  You have problems to deal with each day.  I don't mean to minimize your struggles by lamenting my own.  But it's my blog about my life and so that's what I write about.  I don't know your struggles, but I hope you know you're not alone in feeling overwhelmed, if that's where you're at today.

Some things are not for us to know.  As I've said before, I don't understand life, and I don't always like it.  But I'm grateful that I don't have to understand it, because I choose to trust an omnipotent God even when I don't understand.  He's got it under control.  He's got my back... even if He trusts my back to carry much more than I think I can bear.  His grace will sustain.

And just to brighten this post a little, look at this little face - it always gives me a boost, a reason to smile, and lightens the load, just a little.

Are you ever overwhelmed by the pain around you in the world? I'm feeling that way today. There's a funeral in town for the matriarch of a dear, upstanding, wonderful family that has helped to make up the fabric of this community. I just learned about a friend of a friend's son who, due to some bad medication, hallucinated and wreaked havoc on his young, little, innocent body. A dear friend is facing one of the hardest days of her life. And I was reminded last night that I had forgotten the last place I ever saw my brother alive.

Why is life hard? Why does it have to hurt? Why are atrocities so rife around the world?

Most of the time I bury my head in the proverbial sand. I live my charmed life in my little bubble and pretend that my messy house and laundry piles are the biggest difficulties facing the world. Most of the time I convince myself of the illusion that life is mostly good, that people don't intentionally hurt people, that it will all work out in the end.

But the truth is, it doesn't always work out. Much as I want to, I won't be able to always protect my baby from harm or hurt or pain. Much as I try, I can't get rid of the hard things that have to be done by the people I love. I can't even ease the pain most of the time. Sometimes life just hurts.

Last night as I sat in sorrow and pain - my moment of personal anguish over some things in my life, I just hurt. But in that hurt I grasped what I always grab hold of that pulls me out of those moments: hope.

God gave us hope for those moments we spend in the depths. He gave us hope as a comfort, the very best kind of friend to gently lift our chin when the world overwhelms us. ...At least that's what it does for me.

The great thing about hope is that it's attached to what could happen, not what's most likely to happen, or what should happen, or even what has historically happened.  Hope is attached to the promise of the perfect, the off-chance, the unlikely circumstance, the one-in-a-million opportunity.

There's a line in the movie Dumb and Dumber that sums it up pretty well, I think.  Lloyd, an intellectually less-than-impressive male specimen, is smitten with Mary, a well-to-do, beautiful, highly intelligent woman.  In the scene I'm thinking of, Mary's breaking the news to Lloyd that she's not going to date him.  He asks her, "So, what are my chances? ... Like 1 in 100?"  Mary, not wanting to hurt his feelings but needing to tell the truth, gently replies, "More like 1 in a million."  Lloyd takes a moment to digest this, nods, and begins to grin, "So you're telling me there's a chance!"

Hope.  Life is hard.  Life stinks.  Life can be downright overwhelming at times.  But hope springs eternal.  Thank Heavens for that.

We entered a photo contest, and there's nothing like a little self-promotion...

Dedicated

Sunday was a special day at the Francl household.  Not only was it the middle day of a 3 day weekend (which is definitely worth noting), but it was also Dedication Day for our Liliana.  We don't believe in baptizing babies, because we believe that baptism is something that a person does after making a conscious decision to make Christ the Lord of his/her life.  

So, instead of baptism, what we do to show our desire for Lily to follow the Lord is to dedicate her to His will for her life.  In front of our church, we stood with Lily and our Pastor and committed to raise her, to the best of our ability, to know the love of Christ and the truth of the Bible.  Maybe to you that's not a big deal, but to us, it's huge.  

The responsibility of raising Lily in a safe, loving home where she's nourished and nurtured is awesome.  The responsibility of raising her in such a way that she sees God's work in our lives and experiences His love through us... that's almost overwhelming.  It's a comfort to know that when we are weakest, that's when God is strongest in us.  

I feel weak.  I'm tired.  I'm not able.  I can't do it.

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power will rest on me."  2 Cor. 12: 19

So I'm basking in His grace.  I'm reveling in His grace.  I'm swimming, diving, drowning in His grace.  It's a relief that I can't do it all.  That I get to dedicate my baby to a God who I sometimes don't understand, but who I can trust implicitly.  He loves her more than I do - I can't understand how that's possible, but He does.  And His plan for her life is perfect, exactly perfect for her.  I can't control it, but I can do my part.  That's what I'll do, by His grace and for His glory.  

Here are Chase and Lily at the lake (thanks for having us Greg and Karen!) after the dedication.  It was Lily's first time in her swimming suit, which she liked.  It was also her first time putting her feet on the sand, in the lake.  She wasn't much of a fan of the cold water... a daughter after my own heart!  :)  

This next set of pictures is from a photo shoot that one of our dear friends did with Lily for her 8 month pictures (Thanks Kathy!!!!).  What a blessing to have these!

My mom watches Lily one day a week for me, and my mom has 2 cats.  When they come into the room where Lily is, she gets super excited... the cats not so much.  Below is one of the cats, Princess Persia Puff Tail (don't ask...) who is clearly not as excited to see Lily as Lily is to see her.  :)

A month gone by

Have you ever had days, weeks or even months that just seemed to pass without you realizing how quickly they've gone?  That's how I feel.  It's been more than a month (a month and 3 days to be precise) since my last blog post, and I can't believe it!  What have I been doing?  How has my baby grown?  What has kept me from blogging the progression of our lives over the last month?  I know I had at least 100 ideas for blog topics...  

I just downloaded these pictures from my camera, and they shed at least some light on what we've been up to.  So I'll just dive in.  This is my Grandma Jewel with Lily at a baby shower for one of the new babies in our church.  In the last month, Grandma and Lily started spending one morning a week together so that I can work at the school.  More about that on a later blog post. 

Lily and I enjoy getting together with other mommies and kids for "play dates" which I know must seem nuts to do for a baby - babies don't really play do they? - but it's SO valuable!  I can't tell you how many mommy tips and tricks I learn from the other savvy ladies that come.  And it's so much fun to watch other kids develop and grow right along with Lily.  Below is Lily next to one of her best friends, Lucy.  (Play dates are also a great time to teach lifelong skills like sharing - Lucy is sucking on Lily's toy.  As soon as the picture was taken, Lily tried to pull it away from her... going to have to work on that "share" thing...)

There are a shocking number of babies all at about the same age in our Play Date group.  Below are Lucy, Lily (in the orange) and Roman (Lily's boyfriend - hands off, girls!), all born within 4 weeks of each other.  Roman rolled over first, Lucy crawled first, and Lily sat up first - they all just develop so differently!

Lily and I spent a couple of days hanging out with her cousins, Ella and Tyus.  We were lucky that their regular babysitter needed some time off, and we got to hang out at their place with them while my sister-in-law finished up teaching for the year.  Their neighbor's cat had kittens in their shed, so we got to peek in on the little family.  I had a moment with the mama cat - me being a recently new mama and all - her kittens were climbing all over her, pawing at her face, eating and eating and eating.  And I looked at her and thought, Isn't being a mom wonderful?  And she looked back at me and her eyes said, Yes. There's no greater privilege in life!

We've had lots of nice warm weather lately, and our little house has copious amounts of small patios (3 to be precise).  One of the small patios is dedicated to grilling, and that's what we were doing when I snapped this picture.  :)  What better sight could a girl see?  Her knight in shining armor (or an old t-shirt) holding her precious baby.  *Sigh*  I love grilling.

Sometimes evenings around our house can be a little rough.  I like to keep Lily up until as close to 9 as possible (and sometimes later), but sometimes she thinks 8 would be a good time to go to bed.  The problem with her going to bed at 8 is that then she likes to get up at 6 or 7.  If she goes to bed at 9 then she gets up at the much more reasonable hours of 7 or 8 (at least her mommy can function then).  So in order to keep her up, and because she's a baby and needs to be kept clean, we often bathe in the late evening.  Below is a shot of just such a night - I believe it was 3 nights ago.

Also included in the month and 3 days I haven't been blogging were a wedding, some graduations, a bridal shower, a baby shower... you know, the usual "April showers/May flowers" stuff.  There was also my first Mother's Day as a mother (at least with a child out of the womb).  It was pretty low-key.  We spent time with my mom and with Chase's mom, and Lily let me nap in the afternoon as her present to me (she SO gets me already!  It was JUST what I needed!).

I'm a little disappointed with myself that I didn't keep the blog up this past month.  The urgent got in the way of the important, and some important got in the way of the less important.  But there's one thing in my life that hasn't changed:  this little face is the most important and wonderful thing.  (See her little teeth!?!  What could be better???)