A gentle answer

I hope and pray that someday this little guy (old picture, so Connor's hair is long. I loved that shaggy look!) turns out in so many ways like this big guy.  Let me tell you why...

Yesterday was the biggest mom-fail of my life, at least as far as it affected my spouse.  My life is full to the brim with wonderful things - trips to the zoo, work, playing at the park, dishes, phone calls, laundry, bike rides, book reading, nights of little sleep, and all the other things that go along with this phase of life.  My kids go to a baby sitter's house every Tuesday while I work.  My sitter told me last week, multiple times, that she wouldn't be able to watch my kids this week.  "No problem!"  I told her.  I'd get something else lined up.

Fast-forward through an overly-full weekend, more un-done dishes than I care to admit, and groceries bought on Saturday afternoon that still weren't put away 4 days later...

I had an early meeting at work yesterday and had to be in even earlier than that to get things ready for it.  Chase was on kid-duty that morning.  He got them up, fed, dressed, packed in the car and headed to drop them at the sitter's before going to work himself.  (You see where this is going, right?)

He gets there to locked doors, dark windows, and no one home to watch the kids.  I get his texts (10 minutes after he sends them) asking what's going on, and why isn't our sitter there.  By the time I respond, he has things figured out.

And you know what his text said?  It said, "I can stay home with the kids today if need be...We're fine."  In the next few minutes he called his work (Did I mention that HE is the primary bread winner in our home?), arranged to do what he had to from home, and headed home to spend a day with our littles.

The next two texts from him (responses to my profuse, all-caps, lots-of-exclamation points apologies) were even better:  "You're ok -- can you even begin to imagine how many times this would happen if I was ever responsible to arrange sitting for the kids?"  And, "Seriously, don't stress about it.  I think this is the first time it's ever happened in what?  Almost 4 years?  Focus on your meetings..."

If I wasn't in the midst of a meeting, I would have just wept.  The understanding, the patience, the ability to adjust, the grace poured over me.  It was not how things would have gone down in my family of origin, nor, I would wager, in very many families.  I don't want to say how I would have responded had I been in Chase's shoes yesterday morning.  I would have been ok eventually, but it would have taken me longer than a few minutes to get there.

So while I worked my part-time job, he took a random, last minute vacation day to hang out with the kids and bless me.  (And did I mention that he cooked lunch for me and a coworker so we didn't have to spend money on take-out or eat a cold sandwich?!?!  A hot meal was waiting for us on the table at noon when we got there on our lunch break.)

I don't write all this to brag on my husband.  (Ok, maybe I want to brag on him just a little, to tell him how much I appreciate it, how much his servant-leader attitude and actions affect me more than any manner of attempting to "control" our family, and how much I respect him and learn from him as we walk this adventure called life together.)  I write it as a testimony, to encourage you (to encourage me) to give grace upon grace and answer gently.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath;

but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Proverbs 15:1

Yesterday, Chase lived out this verse for me.  Let's play it out a different way.  What if he had called me mad and frustrated because I'd messed up the baby sitter thing?  I would have been apologetic but defensive.  Totally my fault, but I would have bucked against his getting all up in my face about arranging child care.  I can just hear the thought running through my head and off of my lips in defense, "Yeah!  Well if you were in charge of lining up kid-care, this would happen ALL the time!"  I would have shame-facedly stormed out of my meeting (which I really did need to be there for), spent a frustrating day at home with my kids where, likely, I wouldn't have really connected with them or enjoyed the time, and then it would have been tense and ugly for hours or days until Chase and I got back on the same page.  Many apologies for harsh words, angry thoughts, bad attitudes, and disrespect would have been required.

You can imagine with me the difference, right?  It's oceans apart from the scenario that actually played out.  And to be fair, it wasn't just Chase's gentle word, but also the flexibility he happened to have yesterday to make things work out the way they did.  He doesn't always (or often) have that flexibility in his job.  BUT it was the attitude he took toward the situation that, to me, made the biggest difference.

Chase is not perfect.  I am not perfect.  We are broken, sinful, redeemed children of the King who struggle to honor Him in what we do.  If you're like us, I hope you can take some encouragement, some hope, something from this little story, and respond with a gentle answer when you have the opportunity.  Little choices like this can make all the difference.

It was a zoo!

Memorial Day is a day that we stop our regular activities and remember and honor the sacrifice of those who have lost their lives in defense of our freedom.  It is a day that deserves the highest respect and grave attention.  

It is also a day to celebrate and experience and glory in the freedoms secured by their sacrifices.  So that's what we did with our littles on Monday.  We went to the zoo (along with 1/2 of the rest of the state and most of Iowa).

Despite the crowds, it was a marvelous day!  Better weather than we expected, great company, and fantastic animals.  Our little family of 4 (+ 1 on the way) was joined by my mom, friend Sarah, and Chase's brother's family.  

I don't know if there's anything quite as wonderful as experiencing the world through the eyes of your children, and the zoo (or other new experiences) just amplifies that wonder.  We first went through the aquarium...

The penguins, the bright fish, the pretty coral, all received wide-eyed, finger-pointing, "oo-OO-oos" from Connor.  And Lily took her time at each tank, admiring the contents right alongside her brother.

The part where you walk through the arched, over-head tank that holds the sharks got especially good "oo-OO-oo!" from Connor.

He also enjoyed the dinosaur dig area near the petting zoo.

Above was perhaps the display we spent looking at the longest, and it was simply the prairie dog villiage.  Lily loved the prairie dogs and tried to get as close to them as she could.

We even saw baby prairie dogs at one point!  And every time she got too close, the little creatures would zip into their holes and she would giggle.  :)

Connor enjoyed the prairie dogs but couldn't understand why I wouldn't just let him crawl all over their little village.  But he thoroughly enjoyed the gorilla house...

All in all, a marvelous day, made especially more marvelous for all of us (especially my back) by the marvelous company.

This was confirmed by Connor who started giving it his best shot at saying "bam-ma" (grandma) while diving out of my arms any time I walked near Mom.  Also by Lily who failed to fall asleep on the 2.5 hour drive home because she was sitting in the back seat with Gram.  (Seriously.  The two of them reminded me of myself as an elementary student sitting in the back seat of the bus on field trips.  Infinite fun!)

The perfect Saturday

Saturdays like today are rare, so I want to record it right away to remember it forever.  It was a forever kind of day...

We didn't really have anything planned, so we figured out our day over pancakes at breakfast this morning.  Well, crepes really.  We call them "roll-up pancakes."  

We decided to pack up the kids and head to town to run a few errands and have a picnic at the park.  We ran our errands while Connor took his morning nap, and ended up at the park a little after noon.

Plenty of free picnic tables and a cooling (but not "blow your lunch away") breeze welcomed us. It was really perfect - rare are the days a picnic is perfect in Nebraska, but this was such a day...

The park we went to has this fantastic castle playground as well as a train that you can ride.  A delightful train engineer welcomed us onto his train.  (Seriously, I don't know where they found that guy, but he was PERFECT for the job.  Jolly, kind, great with kids, and the outfit to fit the part - he was excellent!)

Lily enjoyed the ride from her spot seated next to me, forward-facing, calm and unmoving the whole time.  Connor on the other hand...

He spent most of his time climbing around on the rear-facing bench that Chase sat on.  He refuses to walk (despite the fact that we KNOW he can and his balance is very good), but put the kid on a moving train and he wants to crawl, climb, try to disembark, walk, cruise, and in all ways move all over the train car.  But he's so darn cute while he's doing it...

I didn't get pictures, but after the park we came home and planted the flowers we bought.  Chase seeded some areas in the yard that were bare, and we enjoyed the rest of the day outside.  We finished it off with pizza and baths and now I'm going to fall into bed and sleep like I had the most perfect Saturday ever.  Maybe it doesn't sound perfect to you, but for me, this was one for the books!

A dance to remember

We are coming out of the fog in the House of Francl. Connor came down with Roseola on Monday night, so we slept little and fought a super high fever until Thursday evening when his fever broke.  By Friday morning a rash appeared confirming the diagnosis.  But we still didn't get much sleep Thursday night or Friday night.  Finally yesterday I felt around in Connor's mouth and it turns out he's also been cutting his 2nd molar through all of this.  Poor guy!

I am pleased to say that after a good night's sleep I am coming out of the first trimester fog and feeling much more like myself and that Connor and Lily finally slept well last night!  Hurray!  

But this post isn't really supposed to be about all that.  It's supposed to be about my Lily.  Every season with her just seems to get better and better.  Maybe it's that we're experiencing everything together for the first time, or maybe it's that she's just a joyful little thing, or maybe it's simply that she's my girl so I get such joy out of experiencing life through her eyes.  At any rate, we've had a delightful month.

Yesterday just she and I got to go shopping for the first time I can remember since Connor was born.  She picked where we ate, she got to pick one candy from the candy store for dessert, we searched for a robe for her (to no avail, so we ended up ordering online).  It was just so fun to have her along for the ride.  

Usually of necessity, I take both kids with me when I do just about anything, or I take Connor and Chase takes Lily.  So yesterday's time together brought back memories of what life was like before Connor.  I felt like I had it all together - she wanted a snack and I had a snack in the car for her, she wanted a drink and I was ready with water, she was tired of walking and I could carry just her for a little ways.  No rushing to make nap time, no containing a 1 year old through lunch in a restaurant, no need for wipes (that I usually forget to stick in the diaper bag).  It was truly amazing!  

It was good for me to experience the importance of that special, individually invested time.  Lily and I do special things during Connor's nap, but it's not the same as the better part of a day devoted to doing something special together.  All I'm really trying to say is she's marvelous, and I love spending time with her.

A week ago, Lily got to do something extra special too - her dance recital.  (Quick disclaimer for the aunts/uncles/cousins out there who didn't get invited: This was our first year doing this and to be honest, I wasn't sure how it would go.  I was worried she wouldn't do anything on stage at all, so I didn't invite too widely.  IF we do dance again next year, I'll invite you and get you tickets ahead.  We didn't mean to "leave you out" of this event in Lily's life.  It's just it was a first for all of us, and I learned a lot.  We'll do better next time, if we do it again!)

Recital was on a Saturday at the Performing Arts Center in town.  It seats about 500 people, and it was packed out for both of the performances on Saturday.  Our dance studio in town is actually really good and puts on a great show.  I don't know how many dancers there were, but a LOT. Lily's class was one of 2 preschool classes, the youngest dancers.  

Here's my little dancer. This was after it was all over - can you see the elation and relief on my face?
I'm proud to say her performances peaked at recital.  I couldn't get her to practice at home,
and she was distracted by all the new stuff at dress rehearsal, but recital was quite good!

Each of the two shows that Saturday was 3 hours long - a 1pm matinee and a 5:30pm evening performance.  Each age group had their own "home room" where room moms (attempted) to keep the kids happy, clean, and dressed for their next dance.  I was a room mom along with a few others during the matinee in the preschool room.  While Lily's class only had 8 dancers in it, the other preschool class had 12 or 14.  *sigh*  We had over 20 little girls between the ages of 3 and 5 in a small room for 3 hours...  It was possibly the longest 3 hours of my life!!! 

Most of Lily's class watching Frozen on my Kindle.

There were many bathroom runs, lots of costume adjusting, and countless snacks handed out.  You'd think from the way the kids ate that parents never fed them!  I guess boredom results in hungry preschoolers?

Coloring and snacks.

As Lily explained, she was on the blue team, and the other preschool class was the yellow team.  We mixed up and played together.  But honestly, the electronics were a LIFE SAVER!!!  I don't know how we would have done it without Tinkerbell and Frozen and iPads and DVD players and Kindles and phones.

Parts of both teams watching Tinkerbell on a portable DVD player.
The only thing that would have made this more effective was having
a bigger screen.

Lily's costume was darling, and for the most part comfortable for her. It wasn't scratchy or anything. But you always knew where the blue team had been...  We left a trail of feathers wherever we went.  During the evening performance after Lily's group did their first dance, a blue feather flitted around on the stage for about the next 3 dances!  Also, as a room mom it was important to have a needle and blue thread to sew feathers back onto costumes.  For all the money we paid for the stupid things, you'd think the feathers should stay on...  None the less, they were adorable.  :)

Getting ready for her tap dance!

I recently had a mom ask what I thought of dance.  Here is my assessment:  it's expensive.  And it's not just that the lessons are expensive (because paying for that doesn't bother me too much).  It's the shoes ($34 for tap shoes!  and we got her ballet ones for $0.50 at a garage sale last summer. I don't even want to know what they cost if you buy new.), and the costume ($55), and the recital tickets ($8/ea), and the recital tights, and the t-shirts you can buy, and the summer dance camps, and the dance studio sweat suits, and the... It's really unending.  I didn't buy anything I didn't have to buy, I borrowed what I could, and we were still in the $300-400 range.

So if you can afford it, I think dance can be really good.  It added structure to Lily's week.  She got to be in a classroom setting under a teacher other than me, and they moved and wiggled the whole time.  Her teacher was amazing with her and all the other little girls, and Lily learned a lot in terms of physical development.  Little things like toe pointing, the crab walk, point and plies, standing on her toes, tapping her heel, etc, etc.  All these things are things I would never teach at home, but they develop motor skills as well as the fact that she and 8 little girls learned to do something together.

I don't know if we'll keep going with dance.  Based on watching all the little girls, Lily's not a natural, but she's not bad either.  Of course she wants to do it again, but what 3 year old doesn't want to be a ballerina?  The coming year will hold a LOT of new things for our family, so we'll make the decision when the time comes.  But for now, I can say that I am glad we did it this last year, and it certainly made for a lot of good memories!

Happy 1st Birthday Connor!

I'm shamefully late in posting this - almost a whole month late.  Connor turned 1 on March 28, and I couldn't be more proud to be his mommy!  

Before I really dive into this, I want to establish something.  In our home we celebrate birthdays. I mean we CELEBRATE birthdays.  They're not always huge blowouts, not always big cakes or lots of presents.  But we spend the day gratefully celebrating and enjoying the birthday person.  Surviving another year is no small thing.  In this world we have NO guarantees for our next breath let alone our next year.  I hope that whatever your style, you truly celebrate birthdays - it doesn't matter if it's 1 or 5 or 86.  Each one is priceless and each person should feel, (every day, but especially) one day a year, how very cherished, treasured, valued and loved they are.

Connor's 1st birthday was on a Saturday, and I woke up extra exhausted.  So the massive to do list I had (which included decorating the cake and making some of the food) got put off in favor of a nap at about noon.  The party started at 5.  Thanks to help from friends and family it all got done on time and we had a wonderful party!  

As you can see below, the cake and cupcakes got finished in time. (It was a good thing I picked a simple design!)

We didn't get a family picture that day, but we did get a Mommy, Connor, Daddy picture.

Having seen how much cake I made, you probably realized that the party was big.  Like 30+ people big.  That's a little absurd, considering a 1 year old will have NO memory of this party, and who really has that many people to celebrate with anyway?  

Well, the answer is, we do.  First birthdays are big for me.  It's not about the 1 year old (although it is).  For me, this party was about thanking all of the people who made the first year of Connor's life possible, survivable, and even enjoyable.  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and dear friends who support our family in a million ways came to celebrate with us.  Without these people's time, attention, care, and love of Connor, Lily, Chase, and I, Connor would not be the healthy, delightful, jolly, curious, marvelous, brilliant little boy that he is.  These people have poured into us, especially in this last year, and this was our chance to say "thanks."

Lily and cousin Ella.  That Ella was there was the best part of the party for Lily, I think!

These handsome cousins helped us set up and tear down. They are also fantastic gentlemen that I'm excited for Connor to watch as he grows.

*sigh*  Oh that little darling.  I just love him!

Connor had lots of help opening presents.  This year he actually needed the help, so all was well!

One candle for the handsome one year old.

He liked the candle and knows how to blow, so he *almost* got it blown out by himself.  Sister helped just to be sure it was totally blown out. :)

Digging in.  He didn't get too terribly messy.

But he did love the experience.  :)

Connor Bear, you're our favorite Connor in the whole world.  You've taught this mama a lot about patience, discipline, growth, and development.  You've also reminded me how valuable a whole night's uninterrupted sleep is. (Thank you for FINALLY sleeping through the night!!!)  Our family is much brighter because of you, and the days are more joyful.  May you grow in curiosity, health, gratitude, patience, and wisdom in the coming year.  WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Thank you, Chase, for a fabulous vacation!

I'm exhausted.  Completely exhausted.  My calves hurt, and my shins are a little bruised.  But I am SOOOOO happy!  *sigh*  What a marvelous vacation.

I mean, just look at this and tell me you wish you weren't here:  

That's me with Mozart over my shoulder and the North Peak in the background.  To be honest, the skiing was probably some of the worst I've ever skied, other than the blizzard that one year.  This year it was icy.  It was also warm.  Like 45-50 degrees highs warm.  Too warm, really, but still SO fun!

And when you're skiing with a crew like the one above, it was just... amazing.  It was the first time I'd hit the slopes in 10+ years, and I was definitely more in shape back in the day.  But, guess what?  I've still got it!  Like riding a bike - you never forget.  :)  I can't tell you how happy that made me!

This is me and my sister-in-law.  (I'm the homeless looking one.  I never thought about how ugly my skiing getup was until just now as I'm looking at the pictures.)  We are on the top of the highest peak in the Outback, just above the treeline.  Way in the distance, you can see Breckenridge.  It was beautiful!

This is Chase, on his snowbike.  I made the mistake of taking him down a blue that was a bit steep on the first day and, well, that was the end of that.  He didn't get hurt, but he decided that snowbiking (as well as skiing and snowboarding) is not for him.  Somehow strapping things to his body, riding to the top of a mountain and then hurling himself down it isn't his idea of fun.  Something about his "self-preservation instinct." (I will never understand him.)

Chase spent day 2 of our ski trip reading in the condo and bringing us lunch at the slopes.  I'm certainly not complaining!  A hot lunch at the entrance to the gondola in between runs.  And he let me ski to my heart's content - he even cleaned up our room in the condo.  He's the best!

A few highlights from the trip:

My nephew (age 11) said from out of nowhere one day as he looked at a bottle of salve, "I'm really disappointed that you would buy something called, 'Bengay'"  This from my newphew, Benjamin.  Also the multiple times my niece put Bengay on her legs, and then rubbed her eyes.

Chase's whole snowbiking experience.  From the certification class, to the 40-something year old asthmatic out-of-shape woman who was also in the class, to his inability to cut across the mountain (it "just doesn't work" for him), to the asthmatic woman's husband telling Chase he was "shredding it," to... oh man.  There's just so much with that little trike  "quadracycle."

There were, of course, the wipe outs.  My one spectacular head-over-heals, one skiied, tumble... as I tried to put my 2nd ski back on outside of the gondola.  It was amazing.  A guy skiied by me and called over his shoulder, "Wish I had a camera for that one."  Honestly, it was the only time I fell, and it was amazing.  Then there was the time Ryan went to take a jump and landed on dirt.  It just so happens that skis stick to dirt while Ryan went flying superman-style forward.  Then the boys, the poor boys, who snowboarded and caught edges all the time (less the more we skied) - face-plants and flat-on-their-backs were very common.  I never saw it, but I am told that on my nieces first run down ever, she fell at least 50 times.  However, when I skied with her, I didn't see her fall once.

Most improved?  Well, that's hard to say because all of my nephews and my niece had never hit the slopes before and all of them skied blues by the time it was over.  Well done, guys!

I really don't have anything more to say other than that it was fantastic and you all should go skiing.  It's absolutely the best vacation ever!

Announcing our new recruit to Team Francl

The gag order is over!  Yes, it's true.  We are expecting #3!!!!  If I were in your shoes, I'd have a lot of questions, so I'll just go ahead an answer them:

1.  Due date?  October 28, 2015

2.  How far along?  6 1/2 weeks

3.  That make the kids how far apart?  If this one comes on his due date, Lily will be 4 years and 1 month old, and Connor will be 19 months old.  Exactly.  We have a thing for birthdays on the 28th day of the month.

4.  How are you feeling?  So far so good.  I've started carrying snacks everywhere, because I need to eat a little something every couple of hours.  And the first trimester exhaustion is just starting to hit.  But this is all normal for me at this stage, and I absolutely cannot complain.

5.  Boy or girl?  For the first time ever in a pregnancy, I feel very strongly about the gender, and I have from the second I knew:  BOY.  I'm 99% sure this is a boy!  We'll find out in a few months for sure.

6. Name?  We know the name if it's a boy (and it is), but we're not sharing, not even with Lily and Connor.  So for now, this little one is Bitty Bear.  (Lily was "Little Bit" before she was born; Connor was "Baby Bit" before he was born; and now that they're here, Lily and Connor sometimes are "Sister Bear" and "Brother Bear" respectively.  So you can see how the nickname "Bitty Bear" came to be.)

7.  What do the kids think?  Lily is thrilled to "be a big sister again!"  She's also convinced that she has a baby in her tummy too.  She has told me multiple times that my tummy's getting bigger (thanks for that this early in the pregnancy, dear...) and that her tummy is too.  Last night she told me that when our babies come out of our tummies, she will hold my baby and I will hold hers.  "We'll trade, won't that be great, Mom!"  :)  She cracks me up!  And Connor is too little to know what's going on.  But if his sister is excited, he is excited.  So I guess he's looking forward to the new baby too.

8.  Planned or surprise?  Oh boy, isn't this the question!  (Be honest, it's what you really wanted to know, right?)  We knew the potential risks and benefits and took our chances.  Turns out we basically won the lottery!

To be totally honest, this pregnancy was more planned than I've let on to most everyone so far.  We weren't surprised in the least, and we're really, really excited!  When Connor was only a couple of months old I was already talking with Chase about the next one and when, Lord willing, that one might come.  And now, here it is!  I can't say we'll ever do things this close again, necessarily, and who knows how many more kids we'll even have. But this time around, Chase and I both agreed this was right for our family.  We were both ready.

This whole experience makes me want to apologize to all of my friends who have had kids closer than I thought was reasonable - as if I knew what was best for their family. So if you're one of those friends, I'm so, so sorry!  One friend in particular, I nearly cried for when she told me she was pregnant again so soon.  In that case it was a surprise and not planned in the least, but my response, I feel, placed my own judgement of appropriate child spacing upon her and her family.  I felt sorry for her - almost to the point of pity.  What right did I have to put that sort of a label on that child - something to be pitied?

It's all made me rethink how I respond to other people's situations.  We are called to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.  So I'm not saying it's wrong to share in the shock, trepidation, fear, uncertainty, and all those other emotions that come along with unexpected or unplanned pregnancy.  But putting my personal ideas about the right way to plan a family on someone else's situation isn't right.  If things aren't sinful or wrong, then I should not treat them as if they are.

I have found that people tend to say "Congratulations" tentatively - like they're waiting to see if I'm genuinely excited or if I'm going to burst into tears at our folly of having to kids within 19 months of each other.  The more I think about it, I guess I appreciate this response.  It shows that others are willing to share with me in life exactly where I'm at - be that joy or grief or even both.

But let me be clear when I say I am excited.  EXCITED!!!!!

There will likely be some other big changes coming our way in the coming months, but the Lord knows them all now and is getting us ready for them.  For now, all 5 of us are resting in His sovereign plan for our family.