TheGreatKateWait and home births

I had errands to run this afternoon right after lunch, you know, the normal stuff: the post office and the bank.  While I was filling out the deposit slip in the bank's lobby, the TV alerted me to something of which I'd been entirely unaware:  the royal baby.

I remember reading a while ago that Kate was pregnant, but I hadn't given it a second thought since.  So this afternoon when I got home, I Googled "The Royal Baby."

Over 1.12 BILLION results.  That was billion, with a "B."

I Googled "The Holy Bible."

51 million results.  Un.Believable.

I read a couple of newest news articles about the royal baby, just to see what all the fuss is about, and one thought came immediately to mind:  home birth.

I have a few friends who are fans of home births, friends who have done home births.  I'm 100% against the idea.  There are lots of reasons I feel the way I do, and I know there are lots of reasons my friends (and other pro-home birth moms) feel the way they do.  We're all entitled to our own opinion, and for myself, I can say that as much as it depends on me, I will be in a hospital for any child I am expected to birth.

But, man.  If I were Kate, I would do a home birth, no questions.  The hoopla and craziness around the birth of this child is unreal and not in a sacred, sweet, wonderful, awestruck way - it's in a disgusting, commercialized, insanity kind of way.

Just read this article and imagine that you're the mom:  CNN article

I can't imagine it!  When I went into labor, I think my husband texted everyone we knew.  I wouldn't have cared if no one knew, in fact, I might have preferred it.  Can you imagine?  The whole world, literally, knowing if you went in for false labor and got sent home?  The whole world wondering if you got the epidural or not?  The whole world wondering if "mommy's doing ok" (really meaning how badly did she tear? does she have swelling? what about hemorrhoids? is she nursing the baby? how is that going? does baby sleep at night? etc, etc, etc)?  The whole world wanting to see your child and commercialize every picture?  The whole world waiting to hear the name?  (I wonder how many thousands of dollars will change hands when the baby's name is announced...)

Becoming a mom is hard enough physically and emotionally when you get to do so privately with the support and watchful eyes of your family and friends encouraging you along.  I just feel sorry for Kate - what a difficult way to live.

If I was her, I would tell everyone that I was having the baby at that hospital in London.  And I when I was a few months pregnant, I would renovate my house or my parents house to have a full-blown birthing room with birthing tub, and emergency baby equipment installed.  I would hire a doula, midwife and/or doctor, and pediatrician to secretly live on-site toward the end.  And then I would have that baby at home and tell everyone that I went way overdue, so that me and my family could enjoy the baby for a few days before the world demanded to know all the details.

I never thought I'd ever think a home birth was a good idea.  But if I were a princess, I would definitely have a home birth.

Sex

This post is likely to make some of you blush.  It's likely to shock some of you.  And some of you - I hope most of you - will nod along in silent support.

A few basics to get out of the way before I dive in to the main topic.  1)  I have posted this with the full consent and support of my husband; 2)  The thoughts herein are intended for married adults though it is safe for anyone of an understanding age to read; 3)  If you have questions or concerns, please feel free to email me or private message me on Facebook if you don't want to leave a comment.  I will not respond to and will delete any comment that is inappropriate in nature. Ok, here we go...

I want an awesome sex life.  I'm a politically conservative Christian who desires a smoking hot sex life.  I may dress modestly and because of my religious and political views, you may assume I'm prudish, but the fact of the matter is, I want great sex.

There are some myths that my husband and I believed for a long time about how you get a great sex life.  The first and probably the biggest for us was that if we did things right before marriage, we'd have great sex after.  I think it was naivete on my part, but I assumed that the sexual tension we held at bay before marriage would magically dissolve once we said "I do."

We were virgins until our wedding night, and to quote my husband, he was, "batting singles until we got married."  Second base was not even close to an option.  We held to what many would call strict "rules" to help us meet that goal, but it was worth it.  We didn't bring sexual baggage into our marriage, and along with that, there was a lot of trust and respect built in by agreeing together to make it that far.  (There's enough there that I could do a whole post just on what we did, why we did it, and what the benefits were, but that's not this post, so I'll save it for another day.)

We thought that if we did that much of it right, then our sex life after getting married would be awesome.  We read some of the right books - Intended for Pleasure, Great Sex Begins in the Kitchen, etc - and things were great for a while.  Then life happens, you settle into a routine, you work on other parts of your marriage, you get super busy at work and/or school, you pursue goals, you have a baby.  These are all normal parts of life.  But they're all normal parts of life that for a long time got in the way of having a great sex life.

I grew up in a very conservative community, and for that I'm extremely thankful.  I'm so grateful, in fact, that I'm raising my own family right here, because I love the way I grew up.  Having said that, there's one thing that my upbringing did a horrible job preparing me for:  sex.  I was always taught that "it" was ok within the bounds of marriage.  I took Anatomy & Physiology in high school and learned about the mechanics of it all (in a class segregated by gender for that chapter), but I was NOT taught how to make sex fun.  And frankly, at 17, I didn't need to know how to make sex fun.

It was rare, but I can remember a few times at bridal showers where I heard older women say things like, "You have to keep it interesting."  "Don't be afraid to try new things."  But really, what did they mean by that?  No one ever really said.

A pastor I knew once said that in his days of premarital counseling, couples would come to his office and ask, "How often is normal?" to have sex.  He quipped that what the wife was really asking was, "How often is average?" and what the husband was really asking was, "How often is possible?"  (How true is that, right!?!)

I was told all through my adolescent years that boys/men think about sex way more than women do, that women should dress modestly to respect the men they're around and help them in the battle of keeping their minds pure, that men should exercise discipline over their thoughts.  All these are true.  Why weren't the boys/men ever told that many women don't think about sex hardly at all?  Why weren't we told that in order to have a great sex life, you have to talk with your spouse about your individual expectations, about what you like and don't like, about what turns you on, about your self perception during or regarding sex?

And why weren't we told that we'd have to work through some of our preconceived notions about sex - whatever they were?  That our parents' marriages and what we knew or didn't know of their sex lives would impact our own?  That seems weird to write even as I type it, but it's true.  I remember having a conversation with my college girlfriends when we were freshmen about who among the 5 of us had ever walked in on their parents and how the parents handled it.  Thinking back on that conversation, I can see the different ways we each perceived sex coming out in our responses, and how what we observed in our parents colored how we viewed sex - we carry that with us into marriage.

And why do we, Christian adults, leave it to things like TV shows, movies, magazines, and the internet (or a "more experienced adolescent friend") to educate our kids about sex and how to have great sex?  I'm sure there are a variety of reasons, but I wonder how many of us Christians are even pursuing having a great sex life?  How many of us are putting in the time, effort, and practice (wink, wink) to get to know our spouse and experience more in our sex lives than just making a baby every now and then.

So, since I wasn't told/taught a lot of these things that I wish I had been told (and I don't blame my parents or anyone else for not going there - I can't say for sure that I'll be able to go there with my kids someday), where am I supposed to go now for answers?  And what about things like dildos, porn, oral sex, anal sex, and even less exotic things like flirting and letting my mind wander - are they ok?  If so when and how?  Where do you go to get lingerie or other sex-related merchandise and not risk seeing something you don't want to see?

Thanks to a friend of mine who shared the link, I've found answers to a number of questions here:  http://christiannymphos.org/

Sex is a complicated subject in Christian circles because, well, frankly, how do you ask detail-type questions without getting too personal or sharing too much?  I'm not going to go to my pastor's wife and ask her for sex position ideas.  That's not to say I don't absolutely love and respect and trust our pastor's wife, but it just... not right.  So this is one subject where the anonymity of the internet is a beautiful thing.

Believe it or not, God created sex, He left us some direction on how to keep it as He intended in the Bible, and by the way, there is some pretty racy stuff in there!  That's not to say that every time or every stage of life is going to include crazy, smoking hot sex.  But it is to say that sex doesn't have to be boring if you don't want it to be - it's up to you and your spouse.

The website I linked to above addresses many questions regarding what's ok, how much is too much, how can you get creative, even how to shop with your spouse for lingerie online - all this from a biblical perspective.  The authors aren't perfect, they don't have it all figured out, but they're willing to share what God's teaching them regarding sex.

I don't know about you, but I don't want a mediocre sex life.  I don't want sit by with average when I could have done a little something and made it spectacular.  I suspect there are many of you out there like me who just need a little advice, some place to go with questions, a community of women who will affirm that you and your questions are normal.  This is for you.  I hope you (and your spouse) enjoy.  ;)

*Note - There are many, many different topics within the broader topic of sex that I didn't even begin to touch.  Please check out the link above - they have an entire blog devoted to the topic and cover so much more there than I could ever begin to here.*

One of those rare days

Today was one of those rare, glorious days - I almost got it all done.  Isn't that great!  Almost everything on the mental to-do list got checked off!!!  Let me tell you about it...

 
It started this morning at 8am when Lily got up and Chase brought her in to snuggle with me in "Mommy's bed."  (I know some of you out there are thinking how lazy fortunate we are to be able to sleep in until 8, but I'm still up blogging at 12:23, and I bet you're already in bed.  And if you're not, then you're just super mom/dad/person and you don't need to judge little old me!)

She cuddled for a minute, then announced, "Hungry baby," meaning, of course, that she was a hungry baby and wanted breakfast.  When I asked what she wanted, she gave her standard answer whenever she's hungry, "Yogurt."  (She would eat yogurt 40 meals a day if I let her!  We should buy stock in Yoplait...)

So we had breakfast.  While she ate, I did the dishes from the night before like all normal human beings.  (Seriously, who does their dishes promptly?  If you do, I don't want to know about it.  Let me enjoy my delusion.)  And I also started the first of many loads of laundry.  When she was done, I got her dressed, set her in front of a movie and took a shower.  (I swore I'd never use TV as a babysitter when I had kids, but her movies are educational.  Really!)

I got ready for the day and even braided my hair and put it up all spiffy (nobody noticed all day), and packed up our backpack.  We got on our bike and rode to the park where we met some friends.  Lily's funny.  She doesn't like to perform for other people or generally do anything but sit back and watch unless it's for only the people she knows really well.  Since we were there with friends, she went down the slide once and refused to go anywhere near anything else.

As soon as all the friends were headed out (with their backs turned as they walked away from the park), this is what Lily did:

Do you see her?  Yep.  She's climbing the stairs.  And that's no small slide, but it is the slide she has conquered (as long as no one is there to see it).  It's like one of those tree in the forest things, "If Lily goes down a slide at the park, but there's no one there to see it, did she really go down the slide at all?"  *sigh*  But she's SO cute when she does it!

I love the above picture.  I'm not sure why - I guess it's because she's on the brink, sitting at the precipice.  All that's left to do is go.  And she will, when she's good and ready and when she's doing it for the right reason - Lily cannot be coaxed, cajoled, convinced, or coddled into performing or showing off.  I love that about her.

After the park, we loaded up on the bike and headed to the library, one of Lily's favorite stops in town.  (She's always heartbroken if we go to the mall, which is across the street from the library, and don't stop at the library - it's so great that she loves books that much!)  They have this really great little table and chairs by this big window back in the toddler/children's book area.  Lily often previews books while sitting there.  

Today they had her favorite book in, which means we checked it out and it's now at our house.  It's the book there in the picture - I always secretly hope it's not there when we go.  It's huge and heavy to carry in a backpack on a bike, and it's annoying to read, but she loves it.  She can spot it from across the library if it's in... and it's in every other time we go (because the times it's not in are the times we're dropping it off because we've just had it).  Wait... 

Actually, it's a boring great book!  You should consider checking it out for your child!  It's very popular - it gets checked out approximately every 3 weeks!...

After the library, we went to the thrift store and got 2 shirts (for $1/ea!) and headed home.  We changed the laundry, ate lunch, and Lily went down a bit early for a nap.  And that's when I really got going.  I cleaned, like really cleaned, the bathroom for the first time in like I do all the time.  I took care of a bunch of those little piles of stuff that get stuck here and there when you say to yourself, "I'll deal with that later."  And I sorted through the pile of mail/bills/papers that's always sitting on my counter.  (The fact that it's still spread in 5 different piles on my kitchen table is not important.  I sorted it.  That's all that counts.)

When Lily got up from her nap a bit earlier than I expected, we did a little of this:

Ok, so we didn't really make brownies.  (Some of these pictures weren't taken today, but they DO demonstrate what we did!)  We mixed up dough for Runzas, and we snacked while we did it, but it was quality kitchen time in any case.  She likes to be my "big girl helper" and do things like hand me eggs from the carton, "help" pour ingredients into the bowl, "help" stir, and "help" taste everything.  Very helpful, indeed.  :)

After switching the laundry for what seemed like the millionth time, we went outside to tinker with the flower beds, and after a few minutes Lily suggested another activity.  I consented and we did this:

I love living a couple of blocks from the pool!

We were there for an hour and a half, the first 2/3 of which we spent mostly sitting on the side or wading in up to Lily's thighs and watching all the big kids play.  After a while, the older kids started to thin out, and Lily realized that we were nearly alone in the big pool.  Time to turn on the Lily charm!

She jumped off the edge of the pool to me (with me holding her the whole time) in the 4 ft, and I'd swing her through the water, and she'd giggle and giggle and giggle.  We'd sing and I'd swing her to the tune of the song.  We'd pop up out of the water when the weasel in the song pops.  It was delightful, and my arms will probably be sore tomorrow, but it was totally worth it. 

(As I was writing just now, I think I figured out why Lily doesn't show off with others around.  It's because if she turned on the Lily charm for the whole world to see, everyone would be as smitten with her as I am!  And I'm very happy to keep her to myself for now...)

To clearly voiced protests, we left the pool.  In the locker room, I changed Lily back to her clothes for the walk home.  Just as I pulled off her swim diaper, she said, "Potty chair?"  So I said, "You want to sit on the potty chair here?"  She said, "Uh-huh."  So I rolled my eyes and settled her little buns on the side of the toilet seat.  And wouldn't you know, she actually went!  Not much, but enough that it was definitely potty.  I practically threw a party right there in the stall!  We talked of nothing but M&M's and stickers on the walk home.

After receiving said rewards, we changed the laundry (again), got out snacks, and started making the runzas.  ...Ok, so they weren't really runzas - they were pizza pockets, but made with a runza dough recipe that I really like.  We made 12 pockets and they were delish!  With such a good dinner, we had to make a good dessert, so we made a strawberry pie and stuck it in the fridge a few minutes before Chase got home.

We switched the laundry (again) and ran a bath (in a sparklingly clean tub) for Lily, and cleaned the girl.  With a freshly smelling baby in freshly washed jammies, Daddy couldn't help but snuggle her and put her to bed.  Which just left me to clean up the kitchen and then deal with this...

(Yes, that pile of laundry is taller than the seat of the couch and larger in diameter than 2 of the cusions.)  How does this happen?  Why do I let it get so out of hand?  My mom was incredible!  I remember her folding each piece as it came out of the dryer.  I am clearly not capable of such a feat.  And as bad as that pile looks, it doesn't even include the next 2 loads of towels that came out after I took the picture!  *sigh*

For those wondering, no.  Chase didn't help me fold THIS TIME (although he does help fold more often than not, and he's very good at folding too).  He did, however, set up and run the entertainment for me while I folded.  I'm totally addicted to Friday Night Lights (the TV series) on Netflix at the moment.  So in all honesty, I saved the dreaded fold for when I could lose myself in the lives and problems of fictional characters on screen.  It was glorious!

And now that huge pile of laundry is all happily integrated and settled in where it belongs:

It has been a good day.  It's so rare that I go to bed able to tell that nagging voice in my head to stuff it cuz I got it done - at least most of it.  I feel like I get one of these days every month if I'm lucky, or more realistically every few months.   So this post is to brag a little, because I did it.  And if I'm being honest, it's to document that this ever happens at all!