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| Francl family of 7! |
Her Name
First, the name. Juliana has been named for years now - we've just been waiting to meet her. We pronounce her name "Julie-on-ah." It means "youthful" and has been waiting in the wings since Liliana (Lily) was born. We call her Juliana, Julie, or Jules.Her middle name, Berniece, means "bringer of victory" and is after Berniece Grewcock, a woman dear to our family. Berniece is a strong woman who has lived a life full of faithful support of her spouse, generosity to those less fortunate, fighting for the good, and promoting truth. I can't think of a woman I'd rather my daughter emulate.
The Twins
The story of Juliana has to begin with the twins. We found out we were expecting in March and found out in April that we were expecting twins! Fear, elation, exhaustion, and excitement all mixed as we changed our expectations and anticipated the future.In May, at 15 weeks gestation, we found out that we lost one of our twins. We never did confirm a gender, but my mommy gut said "boy" so we named him Thomas (which means "twin") and grieved.
Waiting for Juliana
The pregnancy continued without any further complications or hiccoughs (praise the Lord!). I was initially convinced she was coming early, so I nested early - everything was done by 36 weeks. So then I had to come to grips with the fact that she wasn't here yet. I worked to mentally accept that I'd be pregnant till 40 weeks.At 37 weeks, 5 days, Wednesday, we found out I had slightly higher than normal levels of amniotic fluid. The primary risk factor has to do with cord prolapse during delivery (a very rare but extremely dangerous thing), and extra fluid doesn't mean anything is wrong necessarily, but we started non-stress tests, just to be on the safe side.
At 38 weeks, on Friday morning, I went in for my first non-stress test, which she passed with flying colors. My doctor was out of town, so this gave me a chance to meet Dr. Crockett, the doctor who would be on call for the weekend. I was sure I wasn't going into labor any time soon - I would likely be pregnant for another week or so - but it was good to have met her.
That evening was an all-school concert at Lily's school. We loaded up the kids after supper and went for the 2-hour concert. Spencer (age 4) was getting so sleepy at one point that I handed out little bags of M&M's, thinking that would keep him awake. He really tried, but with an M&M 1/2 way to his mouth, he fell asleep. It was SO funny!
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| Spencer sleeping between M&M's. |
After the concert, we chatted a bit with friends and then headed for home around 9. We put the boys to bed, and I crawled into our bed hoping to ease my constantly-aching back. Lily crawled in next to me to read, and Chase had just crawled in next to her to read.
Soon, I felt baby kick and thought I heard something. I felt baby kick again and heard, "POP!" Then a warm gush of water flowed down my leg. It was 9:47 pm.
She's Coming Now
"Chase, my water just broke.""What?!?!!!!"
"My water just broke."
"What do I do????!!!!????"
He dashed to the bathroom and brought back towels and a shower curtain (it was sitting on top of the towels, and was kind of a genius idea). Then, with Lily running, bouncing off the walls, turning on lights, and opening doors ahead of him, Chase took our bags and the infant seat out to the car. Big sister was beside herself with excitement!
I called my mom to come stay with the kids, and Chase went in to let the boys know we were leaving. Connor was the only one still awake, so he came to my room to tell me goodbye. I don't know that I've ever seen a grin so big on his face!
In all the excitement, I sat on the edge of my bed perched on bath towels knowing exactly what I was facing. I HATE it when my water breaks. Labor gets instantly horrible. My hips and back already hurt terribly, and I hadn't had a single contraction yet.
"I think I want an epidural this time," I said to Chase.
"Really?!?" I could hear the hope in his voice.
I moved to 2 fresh towels, wrapped the shower curtain around them, slipped on flip flops and headed for the car.
On the 30 minute drive to the hospital, I kept poking my stomach to be sure baby was moving. This was when cord prolapse could cause problems. I had maybe 3 or 4 contractions on the drive, but the only way I knew they were happening was by feeling with my hands as my stomach got hard like a basketball.
The front-most parking spot was waiting for us when we arrived at the hospital. Chase looked at me, "Best spot in the lot." (He has an uncanny ability to always get good parking without even driving around looking.)
I hoisted up my shower-curtain-towel-makeshift-diaper over my soaked pajama pants and waddled my way into the hospital. The labor and delivery floor is only floor 2, but by the time the elevator got there, I was already standing in a puddle. As we made our way down the hallway to the nurses' station, I left a small river behind.
"I think we can confirm that you're ruptured," the nurse said. It was about 10:30pm. She pointed me to the room we delivered Spencer in, and we started the admission process.
I was hooked up to monitors, signed paperwork, got an IV put in, and asked for an epidural. The nurses knew I'd never done one before, and asked a few times to confirm that was what I really wanted. Yes. Call the anesthesiologist.
The Epidural
He got there sometime around 11:30. Turned out he knew some friends from my childhood, a doctor friend, and had a lake house outside of town. We all chatted as he worked.Chase stood in front of me, and I leaned my head into his chest as the epidural was placed. The anesthesiologist said that it's common for dads to faint during the process, so we joked about that, and Chase made a point to look away from all that was going on. But somehow, it didn't matter - just as the epidural was placed, I felt Chase's arms go heavy. "Uh... I don't... I think I need to sit..." Chase said.
The nurse - who Chase assumed was there to help me if I needed anything - was actually there with a chair to help Chase in case he fainted. He didn't actually faint, but he came soooo close!
After the epidural was in, I got settled back in bed, and my blood pressure dropped. It took about an hour to stabilize everything, and by 1am, we settled in to wait.
The problem was, my labor basically stalled - contractions were coming only every 7-10 minutes. By 3am we decided to try position changes to get things moving. Chase and Anna slept while I rested and waited.
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| Chase on the left, Anna on the right. If I hadn't had an epidural, you can be sure they wouldn't have been allowed to sleep! |
Basically from 1am-6am nothing happened. At least nothing externally.
The Internal Work
I spent the time facing fears, praying, looking my terrors in the eye and choosing to surrender it all to a God I don't understand, but who has proven time and again He is worthy of all my trust and praise.I feared for Juliana's safety. Cord prolapse wasn't out of the question even now. Which might be part of the reason I was set on the epidural this time when it hadn't ever even been an option I'd considered before - I needed my medical team to be able to do anything they needed to in order to get her safely out.
I feared for Juliana's health. We hadn't seen her face since 17 weeks because she always had her hands in front of her face. I worried that she had a cleft palate we hadn't caught earlier, or some other something she was hiding from us.
I feared for Thomas, that he wouldn't be there. Since we lost him at 15 weeks, there was a chance he may have "vanished" and been totally reabsorbed into his placenta. That would mean there was nothing left of him to see, to bury, to honor.
I feared for Thomas, that he would be there. Since we lost him at 15 weeks, there was a chance he would be totally there, just hanging out with his placenta. That would mean I'd have to/get to see him, whatever there was of him, we'd have to figure out burial, we'd have to face whatever those uncertainties held.
I feared for me. Could I parent a twinless twin? Would I make it all about the twin we lost? Would she know she belongs with us? Would she struggle with why Thomas and not her? How would I tell her story without making it all about Thomas? Would I feel joy when she was born? Would I weep? How would I answer the questions she's bound to have throughout her life?
Fear. That's what those hours were about - facing fear and letting it know I was not afraid. I was ready. I was ready to accept what would come, to surrender my need for control in a situation over which I had no control anyway, to move out of pregnancy into a new season with a new baby and all the unknowns it held. One by one, I faced each fear and surrendered to the will of the Lord.
Juliana is Born
Around the time the nurses changed shifts (7am), I agreed to start pitocin to get my labor really going. When my new nurse checked me at 7:30, I was still just 6cm. The new nurse made sure I was settled, and then she bustled about the room getting things ready. The delivery table was set up, the baby things were all out and ready.Sylvia, my nurse, was experienced - she teaches the childbirth class that the hospital offers, and I'd met her at our refresher we took when we had Connor 5 years earlier. As my contractions increased in frequency and intensity, she told me to let her know if I felt any downward pressure. I felt basically nothing, so I said I'd do my best to warn her.
Around 8:30, the epidural stopped working on my front left side. I rolled over and hit the button to "give it more juice" and was comfortably feeling nothing again within 10 minutes. A little before 9, my nurse saw a nurse call light on in another room. Since I was doing fine, she was going to go check on that patient, but decided to check me first.
She lifted the sheet, quickly put it down, and said calmly, "Don't move. Don't wiggle. Just lay still. I'm going to go get the doctor!" She left and came right back, "We're lucky! Dr. Crockett was sitting at the nurses' station. She'll be right in.
Chase was in the bathroom and Anna was dozing, but the activity that happened in the room brought them both to my bedside quickly. Dr. Crockett came in gowning up as fast as she could. A second nurse (for the baby) joined the team, and within a few minutes everyone was set.
I scooted to the end of the bed, and Dr. Crockett told me that on the next contraction I could give a push if I wanted to. When the contraction started, I "breathed down" like they teach you to do, and Chase said, "Steph, you know the head's out, right?"
"Really?!?"
I gave another little push, and we had a baby, a beautiful, breathing, perfect baby girl at 9:14am. Juliana Berniece made her way into the world gently, quietly, and almost without the professionals. It was such a peaceful experience, and it seems to me that was in no small part due to the hours I was able to spend focusing on getting emotionally, mentally, and spiritually ready for her arrival. That and her own gentle spirit.
Even my nurse, Sylvia, thanked me after the fact for letting her be part of such a peaceful, serene delivery. I wasn't really sure how to respond to that, but was grateful that she honored the whole experience.
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| We put her on my chest right away, and she reached her precious hand up and wrapped it around my neck. <3 |
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| Getting to know Daddy. (Shout out to baby's nurse, Beth, in the background. She's assisted in 2 of my births, and an emergency birth of a friend.) |
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| Juliana Berniece Francl - 7lb, 9.5oz, 20 inches of sheer perfection. |
Thomas is Born
After Juliana was born, the placental came, and we took time to look at it closely once we were settled in. Dr. Crockett pointed out the area that was Juliana's placenta, then the area that was Thomas' - his placenta had grown next to and fuzed with her placenta. Though there was no amniotic fluid anymore, Thomas did still have an amniotic sac covering him. Dr. Crockett broke that membrane and we were able to see that Thomas was still there, part of his placenta. Head, body, arms, legs, they were all there.So the unknown was now known. We would bring him home and bury him.
Sylvia took the placenta to the lab, personally, to ensure it was handled with the greatest care and respect. A few days later, we were able to bring Thomas home and bury him.
All the Love
Mom brought the kids to see us as soon as they were dressed and done with breakfast. Nolan, age 2, was the first one to walk into the room as Chase was holding Julie. He walked right to Chase with arms outstretched, "I hold baby sister?" he asked. |
| Nolan (2.5 years) |
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| Spencer (4 years) |
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| Connor (5.5 years) |
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| Lily (8 years) |
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| The kids got to watch Julie's first bath, and learned about the warmer hospitals use to keep babies warm. It's just the best crew I could ever hope to claim as my own. |
Home
We came home on Sunday afternoon, and it's been the easiest adjustment to a new baby that I've had so far, in terms of physical demands and sibling stuff. She's content, sleeps at night, and generally is an "easy" baby. But then, I think all of that is simply God's grace, because there have been other things we've had to face.
Through this whole experience, there has been such a mixture of joy and sorrow, happiness and hurt, celebration and grief. For me, those seemingly opposing things exist together, inseparable, and unending. The intensity of the last 9 months and these first weeks will pass, and the strength of the feelings will wane over time. But experience tells me they'll never go away entirely, and when I look back on this season, it will always be one of the most beautiful, ugly, struggles of my life.
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