Obedience

I almost didn't get this post written.  it's 12:56am, and I almost didn't do it.  Why?  I knew I was supposed to - been thinking about it for the last 2 hours.  So why didn't I?  Simply put, because I was lazy and because I was afraid.

Lazy is easy enough to address - quit being lazy.  Sloth is one of the 7 deadly sins.  Don't do it.

Afraid - that one took a bit more.  Why was I afraid to write this, you wonder?  Glad you asked.  Because it's going to be an overtly spiritually-themed post.  If you don't like some of the spiritual undertones of my blog, you'll hate this post.  But then, I write here in part to share in your life and in part to process my own life and perhaps this post will do us both good.

This post is about one simple word: obey.  Why don't I do it?  Seriously.  I'm 28 years old - you'd think I'd know by now to obey for Heaven's sake!  I don't know about you, but I actually find it easier to obey in the big things rather than in the little things.  When God asked us to move 1/2 way across the country to a place that was too expensive, where we didn't know a soul, where we had no jobs, and where He would work in us and through us - that was easy.  Deleting some TV shows that I really like off of my DVR - that was hard.

THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!!!  Why do I do that?

Over the last couple of days I knew what I needed to do.  It was that little voice I pretended wasn't there.  I acted like everything was fine, as if I had no idea what was affecting my family.  I brushed little Jiminy Cricket off my shoulder again and again.  Rather than run from what I knew God didn't want me doing, I turned directly to it.  It was silly.  They were TV shows.  They were a waste of time.  They were pointless.  ...But they were soooooooooo enticing.

They weren't "bad" shows per-se.  You may have seen them or you may not have.  If you watch them on a regular basis, I won't think any less of you.  I don't necessarily think they're a bad thing to watch.  But they were bad for me to watch, because God had asked me not to.  I'm not trying to get overly "spiritual" or "religious" or "charismatic" here - there wasn't some bombing voice from Heaven or anything like that.  I'm just telling you what I knew, deep down, to be true.

It took someone else asking if our family was ok for me to confront my disobedience.  And it was affecting each of my family members.  It's a little overwhelming to look around you and realize that some tiny, stupid, seemingly-pointless choice has had a negative affect on the people you love most.  I work hard to be a faithful wife, a good mom, a blessing to my family, a Proverbs 31 woman.  And I totally missed the boat on this one.

I'm not trying to wallow in self-pity here - that in itself would be another sin because it's something that doesn't honor and please the Lord.  But I share this little incident in my life as a reminder to my future self that obedience, even in the tiniest detail is damaging.  Luke 16:10 reminds us that those who are faithful with little will be faithful with much.  I saw what impact my little disobedience had.  I don't want to think of what impact much disobedience would bring.

So I now have a few less shows on my DVR, but my family is back in right relationship with each other and with our Lord.

So why was I afraid to write this blog post again?  The message is pretty straight forward - don't disobey.  I was afraid because I didn't want you to think less of me.

If you're a like-minded Christian, I didn't want you to think less of me because I knowingly disobeyed.

And I was even more afraid of you if you're not a Christian and you're reading this.  What will they think of me?  I'll have a greater impact, God, if you let me just keep having spiritual undertones on my blog rather than being so overt.  You use my life to witness to others overtly, not my blog.  That's what I was thinking.

And then.  And then I climbed into bed and started reading what I should have read over a week ago (but didn't because I was busy watching shows that are no longer recording on my DVR).  I read the first few verses of Philippians (aaaaaand now all of my Bible study girlfriends know how far behind I am...).  Do you know what's happening in the first part of that book?  Paul and Timothy are imprisoned, and Paul is writing this letter from prison.  You know what he says?  He says that his imprisonment has promoted the Gospel because now everyone at the palace, where he's incarcerated, knows he's there because of the Gospel of Christ.  AND (and this is the one that got me) it's promoted the Gospel, because the Christians who aren't in jail who hear about Paul are braver in sharing the Gospel because they know about him.

Do you know how that made me feel?  Paul and Timothy are sitting in jail because they obeyed God.  Their Christian friends were made more bold at sharing their faith because of Paul and Timothy being in jail.  Imagine that thought process:  Well, what's the worst that could happen?  Jail?  Paul and Timmy are doing ok there and find joy despite jail.  Plus, God's telling me I'd better share.  Time to share.

What's my thought process, you're wondering?  I'm sitting here in my king sized bed, in my flannel sheets (I *love* my flannel sheets!), in my warm home, in my conservative state, in my free country, where I can say whatever I want with no fear of jail, I have a platform from which to speak (my blog), and God's asking me to write a blog post.  Really?  I'm afraid to write a dinky little post?  Jiminy Cricket, come back here and make yourself at home on my shoulder!  Time to obey.

Yes, Lord.  I will.  Lesson learned.