Lilyisms and a little honesty

Lilyisms

The other day as we walked out of the kids' bedroom from putting Connor down for a nap, Lily turned around and whispered into the room, "Cry if you need me!"

Sometimes in the mornings when we get up, I let Lily watch an episode of Curious George while I shower. I get her all settled on the couch, turn on the TV and pull up Netflix.  When I scroll down to Curious George and click on it, she says to me, "You found it Mommy!  Good girl!"  

A couple of weeks ago we were getting settled at the kitchen table for breakfast. I gave Lily her muffin and she took a bite.  Then she turned to me and said, "It's so scrumptious!" 

A little honesty

I haven't blogged for almost a month.  It's not that there hasn't been topics to blog or memories I've wanted to record and share.  It's been that life has been overwhelming.  I was asked about 2 weeks ago by a friend if I'd enjoyed the first 4 weeks of Connor's life.  I just sort of mumbled around something about it being fine and Connor being wonderful and Lily being a great big sister.  

Later that night I completely lost it.  I just sat in the recliner and wept over my son.  I hadn't enjoyed the first 4 weeks.  They were hard.  Really hard.  And it was hard for me to be honest with myself and everyone else about that.  

I thoroughly enjoyed the early days with Lily.  She was easy.  She was predictable.  I knew what she needed before she did.  We clicked.  Not so with my little boy.  Even the nurses in the hospital couldn't console him that first night (they took him for an hour so we could get some rest.)  And the first few weeks at home were a pace-the-floor, bounce-and-sway, pray-he-goes-to-sleep-soon kind of time. 

I liked getting out because he seemed to be better when we got out.  But his little bottom was bright red with diaper rash, and he just screamed in pain (it seemed like to me) a lot of the time.  I didn't know how to fix it, how to console him, or what to give him to make him comfortable and happy.  I felt totally inept, and I didn't want to admit that.

At about 4 weeks old, we figured out that he had food allergies, pretty extensive ones.  So far, I believe that he has sensitivity and/or allergy to corn, corn syrup (which, incidentally is in EVERYTHING!), wheat, beans, broccoli, cauliflower, apples, any citrus fruit, chicken, eggs, blueberries, chocolate, caffeine and MSG (a food additive that is also in EVERYTHING).  He is (blessedly) NOT allergic pure dairy (there is an additive that comes from the same source as MSG that is in most dairy, so I have to only get certain kinds, but at least I can have butter, ice cream, sour cream cottage cheese, yogurt, and milk!)  

It took a while to figure out what in the world I could eat.  My diet consist mostly of ham, beef, rice, dairy, potatoes, sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, and today I tried asparagus - we'll see how that goes.

I'm not complaining.  Seriously, anything is better than watching your newborn contort in pain because his belly hurts and knowing that it's because of something you ate!  It stinks to only be able to feed him milk that's going to give him indigestion!!!  

For the last two weeks Connor has been happy, content, and I finally feel like I am falling in love!  I am getting to know my son and not just trying to console my baby in pain.  I also finally feel like a "good mom" - like I know what I'm doing and can give my son what he needs.

It wasn't all bad, but it was rough.  I just have to acknowledge that.  

Other Francl news

Lily got her first haircut, and here's what it looked like:

She spent most of the haircut trying to turn around to see what I was doing.  It made actually giving the haircut very challenging...

And here's my little man.  He's actually not so little.  In the 70th percentile for weight and over the 90th percentile for height.  Looks like he's going to be tall, folks!

 

Connor will be 6 weeks old tomorrow, and I can honestly say that life is good.  It's not perfect, and I don't always get it right.  But it is good.