No Undo's, Backspace's, or Do Over's

How many times in a day do you use that backspace key?  I use it a lot.  I've probably used it no less than 30 times in typing things blog so far (a testament to my less-than-perfect typing, and my still-working-it-out-ness as I write). (*Update* Ironically, my husband just read the blog and pointed out to me that I typed the word "things" in the previous sentence where I meant to type the word "this."  It seems I should have used my backspace key even more than I did.)  That wonderful little key can permanently remove something from ever having happened. I misspelled "that" as "taht" in the first sentence, but you never would have known, except taht (there I did it again, adn I'll be honest about my inability to type simple words correctly by leaving it...) I told you just now.  

I could have typed, "You're a stinky face," and then deleted it, and you would never have known, because the backspace key makes it feel like it never happened.  The Undo key is almost as glorious, and maybe even more delightful than the backspace key.  If I mess up editing a picture so that the colors make my daughter look like a green alien, I just hit "undo" and viola!  Lily is back to her perfectly-colored self!

But life doesn't have undo buttons, backspace keys, or the do over option.  We get each day only once.  We get each hour to spend just a single time.  And we get each minute in sequence with no opportunity to mix up or relive any of them.  

Liliana Jo celebrated 6 months of life yesterday, and as I spent the day at home with her, I was constantly reminded that she only gets to turn 6 months old once.  That 2 hour nap she took yesterday afternoon - I never get that again.  (I mean, I may, literally, never get a 2 hour nap out of her in the afternoon again because she's generally a 45-minute napper.  But I also mean, that I will never get those 2 hours to relive.)

By my calculations, I have approximately 6,905 days, or 165,720 hours, or 9,943200 minutes, or 596,592,000 seconds to spend with my baby before she goes off to college.  Looking at all those seconds now may seem like a lot of seconds, but they pass just *blink* that fast.   

Each one matters to me.  I don't want to lose sight of that.  Ever.  She is a gift, Chase is a gift, life is a gift and I don't get another shot at it.  I want to live it well, one second at a time. 

...596,592,847 seconds to go...

Happy 6 months Lily!

Scarlet Hare

I don't know if everyone dreams of writing a children's book, but Chase and I have for a long time.  We have tinkered with a few ideas, but nothing has come together... until now.  About a month ago, our friend Kathy took some pictures of Lily and when Mom saw them, she said to me, "Steph, you have to write a book to go with these pictures!"  

It was a lot of pressure!  I mean, I wanted it to be good, and I wanted it to be meaningful, and I wanted to have the option to do more some day, too, because what if someday we have more kids and they want books written about them?  It took about a month of brain storming, writing down ideas, and piddling with word choice, but we finally did it.  

Of course, we dream of a publisher reading this (feel free to pass this post on to any of your publisher-friends) and picking it up.  And then, of course, it'd be a best-seller on the New York Times book list, Amazon would be begging us to sell it through them, and then we'd finally have a way to pay off my grad school loans...  A pipe dream, but why not dream big?!?

At any rate, I present to you, Scarlet Hare. 

by Chase and Stephani Francl

Photos by Kathy Chase

For Liliana Jo, our Little Bit

One day it was nap time and as she drifted off to sleep,

Scarlet Hare was lying silently not making a peep.

When suddenly she sat up with a look of questioning,

And asked her mommy all about this funny love feeling.

She asked, "What color is love? And does it have a shape?
What size is love, dear Mommy? And does it have a taste?
What feel is love, oh Mommy? And does it have a sound?
And if I look just hard enough are answers to be found?

Her Mommy paused and pondered the best way to reply,

And looked her precious Scarlet directly in the eye.

"Mommy's going to tell you the very best way I know how,"

Then she pulled her up onto her lap and said, "Well now..."

"My love for you is pure and white like the freshly-fallen snow.

It is all the colors you can see in the brightest of rainbows.

"My love for you is so small that it lives between your toes.

It is so big that it can reach wherever you might go.

"My love for you is fresh and sweet.  It helps to make you grow.

It's yummy like your favorite food, and tasty, don't you know?

"My love for you is constant like the ocean's crashing waves.

It's whispered softly in your ear, 'I love you' every day.

"My love for you is soft and velvety like your teddy bear.

It's comfortable and familiar like your favorite shirt to wear.

Scarlet smiled as she snuggled in her mommy's cozy lap.

"I knew it," whispered Scarlet as she yawned before her nap.

"There's a shape, too, I can feel.  It protects me from all harm,

When Mommy holds me tightly in the circle of her arms."

"I love you Mommy."

"I love you Scarlet."

Why...?

Why am I posting now?  Why is this my first post in weeks?  Why haven't I told the world about my baby's first tooth (which came in over a week ago), or her first time rolling over on purpose (which also happened over a week ago)?  Why am I still awake and not sleeping?  I've been blessed with a baby who sleeps - I should be sleeping.

Why isn't my house clean?  Why is my dog suddenly suffering from what I think is allergies and is consequently shedding all over my house?  Why didn't I do the dishes before I came to bed?  Why is my laundry piled so high?  Why haven't I done the laundry this week so it wouldn't pile up so high?  

Why did we stay out so late tonight?  Why didn't I just stay home with my baby rather than take her out?  Why didn't I do that thing I promised that friend I'd do by tomorrow before now?  Why don't I start a comprehensive "to do" list with all of the big projects I've promised I'd do for others or I'd like to get done so that I don't constantly think to myself, "oh, I should do that - and I should write it down somewhere so I don't forget"?  

Why do the necessities of life take so much time?  Why do I have to sleep?  Why do I have to eat?  Why do I have to use the bathroom?  Imagine how many hours I could gain in life if I simply didn't have to ever use the bathroom!  Why can't I shut off my mind?  

Why don't I just get up and switch out the laundry, so then I wouldn't lay here thinking about how I need to do the laundry?  Why didn't I hand-wash that dress I have to wear tomorrow today?  Why didn't I think to get that done?  

Why is there always so much in life I want to do that I simply can't?  Why is the road to hell paved with good intentions?  Why can't good intentions lead to good actions?  Why can't my life be full of action rather than intention?  

Why is being a mom so hard?  And why didn't I know that being a mom would be so easy?  Why didn't I clean the bathroom tonight when I saw it needed to be done?  Why did I leave the basement such a mess?  Why is cleaning such a big part of what I expect of myself?

Why, why, WHY???  It is perhaps one of the hardest questions in life to answer, I think, because it goes to the heart of things, to the motivation, to that thing that makes a person tick.  The who's, the what's, the where's, the when's, and the how's state fact.  They can be researched, studied, and there is, generally, one right answer to such questions.  On the other hand, the why's are subjective, changing, personal, and not so easy to state as fact.  The why's are nuanced.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed by my own expectations of myself, or simply by life, like I am tonight, I find it a relief to ask the why's.  I know a God who is omnipotent, and He knows the answers to the why's, even if He doesn't tell me.  And in those moments when I ask things like, "Why do you have to teach me that I'm weak by making me sleep for what could otherwise be 6 productive hours?" or "Why do I have to face that person I'd really rather not see right now?" or "Why did my brother have to die?"  It's in those moments of asking why that I'm thankful for my God, because even though I'm overwhelmed and He's not telling me the answer, He's the kind of God I can trust, even when I don't understand.   

She'll call me Mom

Tonight, I just have a few thoughts I wanted to put down before the moment passes and I forget them. They occurred to me as I was feeding Lily and putting her to bed.

My mom and sister came over this evening for supper and to play with Lily so I could get some things done outside and around the house. It was wonderful! They kept an eye on Liliana, helped me eat the turkey I (finally) cooked (it'd been in my freezer since December), and even helped me bake some food and clean the house. Lily started getting fussy and it was time for Mom and Kim to leave, so I took her and we waved as they headed out the door.

And then Lily was quiet. She sat contentedly on my hip as I did a few more things before we settled in for our night time routine. We changed her diaper, read a book, then she began to nurse. As I watched her calm and drift off to sleep in my arms, I thought about the fact that she had absolutely no frame of reference for things when she was born. She had no concept of cold or hot, high or low, bright or dark, loud or quiet. She has learned and is learning these things with each new day and each new experience.

It got me thinking about what her framework for referencing things is being built of. And then I realized it's me. It's me and Chase and the life we're introducing her to. She's at the age where where she definitely knows who Chase and I are, and she definitely prefers us to others (which I love. She grins when I walk in the room. She lights up when her daddy comes home. What could be better?).

I thought about what she knows at this point. She knows that my voice means familiarity. She knows the look of my face means happiness. She knows my smell means comfort. And I like to think that she knows my touch means love.

This morning at work, she was in her swing next to me and we were talking, cooing, back and forth as I worked. And then I laughed at something. And then she laughed with me. I looked over, surprised that she had joined in when I hadn't done anything to elicit the reaction other than laugh myself. I laughed more. She laughed more. Then I laughed that we were laughing and she laughed right along with me! We giggled like school girls until we were out of breath. And then we grinned at each other.

It's a huge responsibility to introduce this little tyke to the wide world around her, to filter out and protect her from those things that would harm her. But it's such a privilege and delight to be one of the essential building blocks, perhaps even the cornerstone, upon which she will build her frame of reference for the world.

11 Tips for Managers and Bosses

This is a little different than most of my blog posts, but it's something I still wanted to put out there. I've worked for a variety of organizations and individuals, and I've worked in a wide array of jobs - everything from scrubbing toilets, to interviewing celebrities, to research, to fundraising. In so doing, I've observed some things. I typed them into my Blackberry one very frustrating day, and now I'm transferring them here, to a place where they will stay (even after my Bb dies).

As I manage my home, and someday if I ever manage others in an organization, I want to remember these things. I hope you enjoy...

1. Do not let one mistake lead you (a boss) to not trust the employee in his/her entirety. Remember not to label people by one interaction.

2. Notice when people do things right, and say so. A little encouragement can go a long way toward keeping up morale.

3. Confront mistakes when they happen. It doesn't matter if your subordinates like you. They will function better for the company when they know what you think is a mistake.

4. Make expectations clear. Fuzzy expectations lead to unmet goals.

5. When you give an assignment or delegate a task, give authority to complete the task. If assignments are given without authority, employees accomplish nothing, and ultimately the task remains on your plate, as their boss, undelegated.

6. Foster an atmosphere of earned trust in your employees. They must earn your trust, but once they have, let them do their jobs and don't micromanage. This will free you to do your job.

7. Hire carefully and you will fire infrequently. Take time to really vet candidates for positions. If you take the time to get the right person for the job, you will spend less time managing them and more time accomplishing your job.

8. Trust your team and the experts. If you have followed the above steps and fostered an atmosphere of trust, hired carefully, and delegated to capable employees, then trust the advice they give you. Do not spend time majoring on minor details about which they likely know much more than you. Give them freedom to do their job so that your organization can move forward.

9. Be ware of stifled talent. Not giving authority and trust to your employees can stifle their talent and ambition and breed resentment toward you and your organization. If you have a good employee who feels stifled or unable to function, you will likely lose that talent, training and ambition to a competitor.

10. Be ware of cancers in your organization. Some employees can turn out to be cancerous to your organization, causing disruption, distrust, and dissatisfaction among other employees. These cancers must be dealt with either by reprimand and retraining, or by cutting them out. Even a seemingly "contained cancer" has an undeniable effect on the whole body.

11. Provide a clear structure. By providing a clear structure within which your employees fit, you provide a certain level of predictable expectation. Make sure each employee knows to whom they report, and on what date they will receive a review.

Life will never be the same

We hit a big landmark in Lily's life this week. She had "real food" for the first time! I'm not a mom who was anxious to get to this point. I have loved every minute with my baby girl, and if I could bottle her up and just keep her exactly this age forever, I would probably love it. But it's also true that every new day is better than the day before. Life is dynamic that way, and so I try to embrace each new day and not mourn the loss of the day before.

Over the last couple of weeks Liliana has been very interested in anyone around her who has been eating. She carefully studied the hand-to-mouth motion. If she was sitting on my lap while I was eating, she looked like a little owl craning her little neck to watch exactly what was happening to the food when it left my hand. In the mornings when she'd get up and I was getting ready for the day, I'd put her in her high chair with a spoon. She'd play with it (and sometimes gag herself), but she got comfortable with the spoon.

So on Tuesday, her 5 month birthday, we took the plunge. First, we started out by working up an appetite at the office:

That's Lily sitting on my desk in her Bumbo chair. She likes to be at eye level with me, so we sit this way a lot. I work on the computer, and she plays with toys (and when I say, "plays with toys," I mean that I hand her a toy and she throws it off the desk, I pick it up, and she throws it off the desk again...) All the hard work made her hungry, so that night when we got home...

I put her in her high chair with her bib on. This was her first experience with a bib since she's known how to work her hands, so she had to investigate the bib. It passed inspection:

She was anxious to get going with this food business, so I added some cereal to some milk and away we went:

I don't mean to brag about my kid... Ok. I'll be honest. I do mean to brag about my kid. It's my blog. She's my kid. She's perfect, and it's my right to brag about her here. She ate like the little champ that she is! She has always been a very good, very fast eater. And she loved her cereal. She knew exactly what to do when that spoon came close to her mouth, and she worked that cereal back down her throat with her little tongue like she was born to do it (which, I suppose she was). I don't know why I worried about starting her on food! She did great. In fact, she would open her mouth up so wide, that (just like her daddy) one of her eyes would open farther than the other! It was so cute!

And when all was said and done, she was satisfied. And berry cute too. :)

This post doesn't have any deep thought or life lesson with it, I guess. But it does have a very proud momma of a now-eating-"solid"-food baby. And that's enough for me!