Are you the swine?

My most recent blog post (apart from this one) was about protecting your pearls.  You know the saying, “Don’t cast your pearls before swine?”  I never really got what it meant.  I mean, I did, but I didn’t… until recently. 

In my last post I lamented the modern ease of throwing the most valuable parts of who we are as individuals – our hopes, dreams, fears – out to the world via Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, etc.  This post is more difficult to write.  It’s more personal.  More in my face.  I can’t blame the internet, Facebook, YouTube, My Space, or anyone or anything else for this one.  It’s just me and my mirror.

It’s one thing for me to share my pearls with others who might not treasure them – I can, at least in part, blame the swine.  It’s another for me to be the one not treasuring the pearls – that means I am the swine.

Lately, a number of situations have come up in which truth has been crucial.  The kind of truths that are the really delicate pearls, the kind you don’t share with just anyone, the kind you share with just about no one.  And people I know well, very well, had to decide when and where and if they were going to share these pearls at all. 

I said in my last post that I want to raise my daughter to know when not to share her pearls.  Upon further reflection, I’m realizing that perhaps more importantly than that, I want to raise my daughter to know when TO share her pearls and to whom.  I'm realizing that pearls are no fun, no benefit, they have no value if you simply bury them forever, never to be seen.  Pearls were meant to be shared, enjoyed, discussed, if only with a few trusted people who will value them.

Each of us needs safe places to go with our most prized pearls.  It’s relatively easy to see that Facebook isn't the place to go with them.  It's more difficult to find the safe places you can go with them.  And I wonder if it isn't becoming more and more difficult to find those safe places… But is the reason for that staring me back in the mirror.  Am I the kind of person who will treasure another’s pearls?  My own pearls?  

Let me be clear here, I’m not talking about just being a good secret keeper – that’s not the deal at all.  I’m talking about being a good friend, a really good friend, the best kind of friend, the kind of friend who will tell my friend when they are dead wrong and they need to get their act together.  The kind of friend who will tell my friend that I think they are wrong in such a way that my friend will hear it and know that I love them and would do anything for them.  The kind of friend that will still be friends no matter what my friend decides to do or not do – but my friend will know exactly where I stand and why.  Am I that kind of friend? 

We all have secrets, good secrets like the hopes and dreams kind, and bad secrets, like the fears and failures kind.  Am I the kind of person who can be trusted with the latter?  It seems to me that’s the hard one.  Nobody wants to admit their fears and failures to the world.  The world is a harsh place that will eat you alive if you give it a chance, and sharing your fears and failures is the world's favorite kind of fresh meat. 

At the same time, we have to be real at some point, don't we?  We have to be human, we have to have some safe place to admit, confess, process, and be encouraged to grow.  And let's be honest, we can't all afford life-long counseling.  (That's why I married a counselor!  A lifetime of free counseling for me!!!  Poor hubby...)

I may have been born a Deichmann, but believe it or not, I'm wrong every now and then.  I don't like to admit it (just ask my husband), but once in a blue moon it does happen.  I feel so blessed to have married a man who is gentle, patient, long-suffering (to say the least), and who tells me I'm dead wrong when I'm wrong.  He does so carefully, delicately, in such a way that shows me he treasures my pearls.  And because of his respect and care, I am always looking for chances to share more pearls with him.  I know he values them.

And then I look back into my mirror.  Am I that for him?  Or does my nose reflect back to me as more of a snout?  Is my complexion turning pink?  Did my poor husband marry Miss Piggy?  We all have things to work on.  I wrote in my last post about performing and how we need to know when to perform so that we're not casting our pearls before swine.  I hope you're seeing, as I have over the last couple of days, the importance of knowing when NOT to perform, of being and having a safe place to go, of recognizing and valuing the pearls put before you.

Do you have that safe place to go – that place where you can carefully unveil your pearls, show who you really are, be loved, be challenged, be encouraged to be the very best version of yourself?  If you don't, look for it. Pray for it.  Beg God to put that safe person in your path like YESTERDAY.  It’s SO important! 

And pick up a mirror.  Look at your nose.  Be honest with yourself about what you see.  If you’re not honest enough to trust yourself with your own pearls (specifically your deep down, hidden, most scary fears and failures - have you taken any time to really admit them to yourself?), I can promise you that no one else will trust you with theirs.  

Sorry to get all preachy.  But seriously, treasure your pearls.