Greatness of Soul

I meant to write a nice post summing up 2013 before that year reached its conclusion; however, that didn't happen.  It felt like a rough year to me with lots of emotional ups and downs... hard things we faced.  I couldn't wait for 2014 to come.  But then 2014 came, and on its inaugural day, emotional baggage was pulled from the depths of the past decade and laid out for me to have to face.  I couldn't avoid it, I couldn't shove it aside, I couldn't walk around it.  I was actually depressed for a couple of days as I sifted through the muck.

So I gave up that idea and traded it for writing a post about new years resolutions for 2014, which seemed like it would be more fun.  Not that I'm necessarily into resolutions, but evaluating one's life on an annual basis seems to me to be a wise use of time.  I couldn't do it, not as 2014 didn't seem to start with a clean slate at all, and I had no clear direction.  Instead, many of the hard things of 2013 and years prior seemed to follow me, run ahead of and taunt me, haunt my dreams as 2014 got underway.

Now, here we are, 12 days in to the year, and finally, I can do it.  I feel like I can face 2014.  I know what my resolution for the year must be, and I am so grateful!  For me, this year will be about Greatness of Soul.  Let me explain...

Tonight, I channel surfed as I sat on the couch in the den doing some mindless work.  I flipped aimlessly through the channels until I saw the face of one of my undergraduate professors (and later colleagues) from my time at Hillsdale College.  Dr. David J. Bobb was on C-SPAN.  I can count on one hand the number of times in my life that I've watched C-SPAN (it's not my favorite channel), and Dr. Bobb, while good, did not make my all-time favorites list of profs either.  Still, when you see a face you know well on TV, you stop.

He was being interviewed on Q&A about his recently published book:  Humility: An Unlikely Biography of America's Greatest Virtue.  He used phrases that I used all the time at Hillsdale that I never hear now, things like "primary source documents" and "constitutional liberties" and "greatness of soul."  I sat there, for 30 minutes in our den, surrounded by our beloved books from undergrad neatly shelved, soaking in the depth, goodness, and fullness of stories of Lincoln, Washington, John and Abigail Adams, Frederick Douglass.  I love them.

It was like water to parched earth.  I don't know how else to explain it - it felt SO good.

As I sat there, my son kicked, rolled, tossed, and turned in my belly (we'll be 28 weeks tomorrow!).  And I knew that that was it.  My resolution for 2014 is to focus on Greatness of Soul.

This year, I will give birth to our 2nd child, our son.  The expectation, then, is that our family will dote on, love, and otherwise raise him (though I take none of that for granted - only God knows what the future holds, and I trust Him with it).  Aside from preparing for and doing that, I'm trying to simplify life, to say no to things, to put fewer expectations on myself, because, frankly, I won't have time.  But Greatness of Soul...

That is something that must be done, that must be pursued.  In the midst of 9-month pregnant largeness, newborn nighttime feedings, dirty diapers, boundary-testing toddlers, play dates, babysitters, visits from grandparents, tripping on toys at 2am, work, dirty dishes, laundry, playing at the park, family get togethers, and all other things that make up life...  In the midst of all these things, we must nurture our souls.

If we don't, then we risk losing so much.  In fact, I believe that it is in the midst of raising our families, of spit up and tantrums, that cultivating that deepest part of who we are is most essential, most critical, most vital.  For if we lose sight of Greatness of Soul as we gaze into the eyes of our newborn miracle, when will we ever find it?  Additionally, if I don't nurture my soul, how can I teach my children that they must nurture theirs?

The urgent is the enemy in this sort of pursuit.  Things that must be done like paying bills, mowing the lawn, nursing the baby, sleep, going to the bathroom, dishes and laundry are all urgent things.  They often cannot be put off till tomorrow, or at least are better not put off till tomorrow (especially going to the bathroom!).  BUT they aren't really, in the broad scheme of things, that important.  (Ok, so nursing the baby really IS important, but I think you know what I mean, right?)

Do you care to be remembered as the person who kept the perfectly mowed lawn all summer?  Or would you rather be remembered as the person who understood the good because you took time to ponder it, to wrestle with it, to work through what good is, why it's good, and why it should be pursued?  Don't get me wrong - we work hard all summer NOT to be the neighbors with the unsightly lawn, and there is good in that.

But to focus on temporal things at the expense of considering the lasting, the timeless, the eternal things - that would be a tragedy.

Parenting a son scares me to death.  Honestly.  After over 2 years, I'm getting pretty good at the mom-of-a-daughter-thing.  I'm not perfect, but I get it.  She's sensitive, so dramatic emotions are normal for us, but I can't let her use tears to manipulate me either.  I'm learning how to cultivate her sweet little spirit, I'm experimenting with how to help her face situations that intimidate her, I can relate to so many of her likes and dislikes because they mirror my own.  She likes pretty things, frilly things, pink things.  She says "Aaaaawwwww!" when she sees a puppy or a kitten because she gets it; I get it.  I feel like I'm good at the girl thing.

But a boy.  Yikes.

I want to teach my children so much - their letters and numbers and good manners, yes.  But also and much more importantly how to love, how to learn, how to face difficulty, how to serve, how to lead, how to follow.  But teaching them each of these things requires that I set the example.  And how am I to set the example if I don't learn to do them well myself?  That is what I mean by Greatness of Soul.  And I can only learn such things from those who are far better at them than I.

That's why Abigail Adams, Lincoln, Washington, and the others were so refreshing to learn about tonight.  They have Greatness of Soul.  Their stories have survived the years.  They, too, raised families, but despite all of the urgent things required of their time, they also cultivated their souls.  These, and others, are who I ought to study, so this year, I will.

I've rambled.  I'm sure I haven't answered any questions for anyone who may read this, but I don't care, because the important thing is that I've answered the question I've had.

Q:  What is the goal/focus of 2014?
A:  Greatness of Soul

2014, bring it on.