A gentle answer

I hope and pray that someday this little guy (old picture, so Connor's hair is long. I loved that shaggy look!) turns out in so many ways like this big guy.  Let me tell you why...

Yesterday was the biggest mom-fail of my life, at least as far as it affected my spouse.  My life is full to the brim with wonderful things - trips to the zoo, work, playing at the park, dishes, phone calls, laundry, bike rides, book reading, nights of little sleep, and all the other things that go along with this phase of life.  My kids go to a baby sitter's house every Tuesday while I work.  My sitter told me last week, multiple times, that she wouldn't be able to watch my kids this week.  "No problem!"  I told her.  I'd get something else lined up.

Fast-forward through an overly-full weekend, more un-done dishes than I care to admit, and groceries bought on Saturday afternoon that still weren't put away 4 days later...

I had an early meeting at work yesterday and had to be in even earlier than that to get things ready for it.  Chase was on kid-duty that morning.  He got them up, fed, dressed, packed in the car and headed to drop them at the sitter's before going to work himself.  (You see where this is going, right?)

He gets there to locked doors, dark windows, and no one home to watch the kids.  I get his texts (10 minutes after he sends them) asking what's going on, and why isn't our sitter there.  By the time I respond, he has things figured out.

And you know what his text said?  It said, "I can stay home with the kids today if need be...We're fine."  In the next few minutes he called his work (Did I mention that HE is the primary bread winner in our home?), arranged to do what he had to from home, and headed home to spend a day with our littles.

The next two texts from him (responses to my profuse, all-caps, lots-of-exclamation points apologies) were even better:  "You're ok -- can you even begin to imagine how many times this would happen if I was ever responsible to arrange sitting for the kids?"  And, "Seriously, don't stress about it.  I think this is the first time it's ever happened in what?  Almost 4 years?  Focus on your meetings..."

If I wasn't in the midst of a meeting, I would have just wept.  The understanding, the patience, the ability to adjust, the grace poured over me.  It was not how things would have gone down in my family of origin, nor, I would wager, in very many families.  I don't want to say how I would have responded had I been in Chase's shoes yesterday morning.  I would have been ok eventually, but it would have taken me longer than a few minutes to get there.

So while I worked my part-time job, he took a random, last minute vacation day to hang out with the kids and bless me.  (And did I mention that he cooked lunch for me and a coworker so we didn't have to spend money on take-out or eat a cold sandwich?!?!  A hot meal was waiting for us on the table at noon when we got there on our lunch break.)

I don't write all this to brag on my husband.  (Ok, maybe I want to brag on him just a little, to tell him how much I appreciate it, how much his servant-leader attitude and actions affect me more than any manner of attempting to "control" our family, and how much I respect him and learn from him as we walk this adventure called life together.)  I write it as a testimony, to encourage you (to encourage me) to give grace upon grace and answer gently.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath;

but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Proverbs 15:1

Yesterday, Chase lived out this verse for me.  Let's play it out a different way.  What if he had called me mad and frustrated because I'd messed up the baby sitter thing?  I would have been apologetic but defensive.  Totally my fault, but I would have bucked against his getting all up in my face about arranging child care.  I can just hear the thought running through my head and off of my lips in defense, "Yeah!  Well if you were in charge of lining up kid-care, this would happen ALL the time!"  I would have shame-facedly stormed out of my meeting (which I really did need to be there for), spent a frustrating day at home with my kids where, likely, I wouldn't have really connected with them or enjoyed the time, and then it would have been tense and ugly for hours or days until Chase and I got back on the same page.  Many apologies for harsh words, angry thoughts, bad attitudes, and disrespect would have been required.

You can imagine with me the difference, right?  It's oceans apart from the scenario that actually played out.  And to be fair, it wasn't just Chase's gentle word, but also the flexibility he happened to have yesterday to make things work out the way they did.  He doesn't always (or often) have that flexibility in his job.  BUT it was the attitude he took toward the situation that, to me, made the biggest difference.

Chase is not perfect.  I am not perfect.  We are broken, sinful, redeemed children of the King who struggle to honor Him in what we do.  If you're like us, I hope you can take some encouragement, some hope, something from this little story, and respond with a gentle answer when you have the opportunity.  Little choices like this can make all the difference.