In the last couple of weeks, I've listened to a number of podcasts that focused on the importance of fathers, and that coupled with watching the father of my children and reflecting on my own experience with my father has simply reinforced the critical role that God designed dads to play.
One of the podcasts made the point that mothers are, largely, taken for granted. Not that moms aren't appreciated, but rather that a mother's love is expected. Biology takes care of that early on - the baby cries and dad can't provide the milk (biologically speaking). Mom has to. And later, because of mom's early sacrifices, if the child gets into trouble - steals from the cookie jar, does drugs, chooses a lifestyle alternative to the one they grew up on - Mom will love them through it all. Mom always puts her child's needs ahead of her own. (Or at least, that's the cultural expectation.)
Somehow, a mother's love is unconditional, but the perception, broadly, is that a father's love is not. Kids have to be strong enough, tough enough, smart enough, good enough to earn their father's love. All that is IF the kids even have a chance at knowing their dads. Many are simply abandoned before they even get the chance to experience a father's love. And you know, if you talk to those kids who never knew their dads, they wonder those things that essentially boil down to, "I must not have been good enough, or he would have loved me."
Dads and moms both play unique roles the lives of their kids. Generally speaking moms nurture, clothe, feed, care for the tiny details of their children's lives, and breathe a unique kind of love into their kids. Dads on the other hand...
I think that fathers have a whole lot to do with providing a child's identity. In a way that moms can't, dads speak into the core of who a child is and when dad says that, "you are good enough," "you are tough," "you are strong," "you are worthy," or "you are loved," those ring differently in the child's soul than when mom says those things. Moms, I'm not saying that you shouldn't say those things too. Please do! But can we all just acknowledge that they impact us and our kids differently when the words flow from daddy's lips.
I saw one of those funny e-cards the other day...
It's funny because it's true. If you've lived much of life, you've seen both scenarios (toddler and beer drinker) in action, but I have to wonder if the toddler "watch this's" were responded to with identity giving affirmation of both a mom and a dad - the kind of affirmations that let the child know, deep down, who they are and that they don't need to look to other sources to know their strength, value, and worth - then maybe the adult version, "hold my beer" would be a lot less frequent.
Fathers matter greatly to their kids, and I'd wager it's one of the hardest callings in life - harder even than being a mom. I feel like moms don't get the criticism dads do from the culture or from their kids. Moms are affirmed, celebrated, held up, told they can do it all (though any of us who are moms know that's simply not true! We just struggle through daily as best we can). Dads are told they're not good enough, that they should spend more time at home, and conversely that they should make more money, that they don't know what they're doing with kids, that they're dangerous, that they play too rough... I could go on and on, but you get the picture.
I wonder... I'm not a dad myself, but I wonder... Do dads feel affirmed? Are they supported? Do they feel good enough, strong enough, valuable enough, worthy enough, to do the great task that they've been entrusted with - to be dads? And if they don't believe, deep down, that they are enough, then how can they honestly pass on to their children true worthiness, strength, goodness, and value?
Pastor asked in church today (see Pastor, I was listening!) who we thought of when we thought of an example of a good dad. The only one who popped to mind for me was God the Father. Why would I want any other biblical character as my dad? And as I type now, I'm processing the reason I think this, and it is because He is where I find my identity. He tells me who I am. I am His and He is mine, and nothing can change that. I am uniquely designed by Him, a creation from his perfect imagination, redeemed by His sacrifice, loved unconditionally, unworthy because of my imperfection but worthy because of his unfailing grace.
Fathers, you can't be God to your children, but your love and example can point your kids to the Father who loves perfectly. Happy Fathers Day, dads. You are essential to your kids, and they need you desperately to help them figure out who they are. Thank you for the herculean task you've undertaken, and may the Lord bless you and your efforts.
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