Sensory Activities Day

It has been a day of exploring our world in the Francl household.  We did things today that I never thought we'd do, and I (for once) remembered my camera!  This morning, Lily and I went to a play date with 3 other kids who are almost exactly her age.  When we got to her little friend's house, this is what we found:

That is rice that has been dyed Easter colors of wonderfulness and put in a large Rubbermaid bin - beautiful!  The rice bin was put on the floor and the little munchkins dove in:

Actually, 3 of the little munchkins dove in - you'll notice my little munchkin standing back and watching the mess begin.  My mom says Lily is an observer.  She likes to hang back, watch what everyone else does, evaluate reactions, avoid messes, and when no one is watching explore just a little.  In the above picture she is on the other side of the room from me; in the below picture, she's right beside me.  She made her way around the room giving the colorful rice and the more adventurous munchkins a wide berth.

My child was the only one with any qualms about colored rice.  (I wish I knew what she was thinking - does she worry that the rice is dangerous?  Does she think it will get her dirty?  Does she simply find comfort in her ordinary routine and things out of the norm throw her?) The other 3 all ended up in the bin with the rice at one point or another.  Lily brought me a book and wanted me to read to her... as far away from the rice as possible. 

One of the other mamas handed Lily a measuring cup full of teal colored rice.  That was as close to the rice as she got all morning.

When I read about sensory activities like this on blogs, I always think, That sounds like such fun! ...But what kind of mess is left after the kids are done?  I have evidence to answer that question:

It was a BIG mess - after 2 hours, there was rice tracked everywhere, but our hosting mama was super chill and confident that munchkin rice was no match for her new Dyson.  I believe her, and this November when she finds just a few grains of pink rice in a corner or nook or cranny somewhere, I hope she remembers this day as fondly as I will.  :)


When we got home, Daddy wanted to take his girls to town to go shopping (I suspect he was worried I would have nothing to feed him if he didn't - the cupboards were pretty bare!).  While we were in town, we picked up a heat gun, because Daddy had plans for the evening.  His PS3 recently bit the dust via the "yellow light of death," but he found a YouTube tutorial on how to fix it with the help of a heat gun.

So we invited my dad and Toby over to help with the sensory experiment.  With Lily safely tucked away in bed, they opened up the PS3...

After Dad made 2 separate runs for various necessary tools and oils, the exciting part came.  The heat gun:

We're in the 20-minute-post-heat-gun waiting period right now, so it remains to be seen if this "sensory experiment" fixed the PS3.  

As I watched, I couldn't help but notice the similarities between the munchkins and the men.  It's a great thing about life that there are always new things to explore, experience, and investigate.  A lifetime isn't nearly enough time to learn it all - isn't that great? 

As Lily's mama, I hope that I have the wisdom, the patience, the insight to guide her into exploring, experiencing, and investigating.  I like to hang back a bit too - to assess situations, to gauge people's reactions.  But I don't want to hang back so much that I miss out on the learning or that I teach my daughter to hang back too much either.

I want to be normal.

I want to be "normal."  But what is "normal?"  Is there anyone who really is "normal?"

At the beginning of March, Chase and I started the craziest diet I've ever heard of.  We did it on a short-term basis due to some specific health concerns, not because we were trying to lose weight.  It required us to avoid all sugar and sweeteners of any kind, all simple carbs, all yeast, and all vinegar/fermented foods/molds.  It was... difficult.  It's called the "Candida Diet" if you're interested in knowing more.  And while we were on it (for 13 looooooooooooooong days) we were anything but normal.

Because there were no "junk calories" allowed in the diet, I ate ALL the time.  Consequently I cooked ALL the time, consequently I did dishes aaaaaaalllllllll the time.  If you're on the Candida Diet, I'm so sorry, and good luck to you.  Here's a link to a week's meal plan at our house while we were on the diet: Candida Diet Meal Plan  I made double and tripple what recipes called for just so we'd have leftovers, because we ate SO much during those weeks to try not to lose weight and feel full.  Here's an example of what lunch might look like:

Baked veggies:

And baked lemon pepper chicken breast pieces with real lemon juice squeezed all over them.

That doesn't look too bad, but I'm telling you, it would've tasted a lot better with a piece of bread on the side or a salad with Ranch or Dorothy Lynch on the side.  *sigh* I'm so glad those days are over!

About a week ago, I had a complete and total break down while on the phone with Chase.  He was worried something had happened to Lily or me, but in reality, I just couldn't handle it anymore - I felt like I was balancing on a tight rope while juggling a million balls and I just couldn't keep them all in the air.

That night we went to Dairy Queen and blew $25 on all manner of food not permitted on the diet - fried cheese sticks, cheeseburgers with everything on them, fries, pop, huge blizzards... Mmmm!  The diet was over - we'll try other options to deal with the health concerns, because sacrificing my mental state for this diet just wasn't worth it in our home.  Bless my husband for seeing that, because I would've kept trying but probably have driven us all crazy because of my unstable mental state!

We've been eating "normally" for about a week now, but I'm still adjusting.  I don't know what normal is - in the few days after the diet was over I swung so far the other way (carbs and only carbs at every meal, sugar and sweet things all the time) that I now have to find that equilibrium again, that balance that will be our lives henceforth.

And today I'm debating washing my hair again.  I haven't washed my hair in the traditional sense since January 31.  I've been "no pooing" (learn about it here: No poo FAQ) and it's saved me a ton of money.  But I did it because I wasn't happy with my hair and I thought it might make me more happy with it.  It did for a while, but now I'm feeling like it's just unnecessary weirdness in my life.  All I really want to do is suds up every morning and feel good about it.  (*Note* I just reread that No poo FAQ link above, and I think I'll stick with the no poo - I think I need to tweak my recipe...)  Plus, my hair weirdness is rubbing off on my daughter:

:)  Kidding.  I just love that picture of her crazy hair!  

Actually, what I really want is for it to come easily, like it does for a rose.  A rose is simply beautiful.  It doesn't work at it.  It doesn't fret over the soil content that is giving it nutrients.  It doesn't worry about sun exposure to it's petals or that rain might make its thorns frizz.  It owns the inherent beauty that God gave it and it lives, grows, exists in it.  It's simple.  It's peaceful.  It's beautiful.  That's what I want.  I want to be that kind of normal.

Candida Diet Meal Plan

If you're on the Candida Diet, good luck to you - it is no easy task, and to be honest, I didn't last very long.  But I was always on the hunt to find new recipe ideas.  I did find some things that worked for us for the short time we were on the diet, so I thought I'd share in the hopes that someone might find some benefit.  Good luck to you.

A few notes about our version of the diet - we found that soy sauce wasn't an issue for us, so we used a little soy sauce on the fried rice.  I have actual recipes for these meals that I'd be happy to share - just comment with which recipes you'd like and I'll pass them along.  I know some versions of the diet don't allow things like sweet potatoes and popcorn, but ours did and they were a huge lifesaver!  We ate them often.  I was ALWAYS snacking on pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, almonds, and cashews between meals to try to not lose weight.  I didn't lose any, but I ate a TON.  I made double and triple these recipes so that we'd have leftovers, and I ate 5 meals a day, plus snacks.  It was a very expensive diet for us.  :(

Finally, we allowed ourselves one "splurge" per week, usually on Friday night.  In the week below it was the baked apples with cinnamon.  I used green apples and simply cut them up and baked them with a bunch of cinnamon on them.  They were delicious!

SNACKS:  Veggies, seeds, nuts, almond milk, hummus (with veggies), popcorn, olives

FRIDAY

B         Eggs with turkey bacon

L          Salad with chicken/turkey/avocado

D         Black bean and avocado salad, Chicken fajitas over quinoa, yogurt with berries

SATURDAY

B         Cauliflower pancakes

L          Cabbage rolls with squash (make with brown rice)

D         Marinated Fish Steak with colorful roasted veggies

SUNDAY

B         Quiche with turkey bacon and broccoli

L          Beef with cucumber raita and sweet potatoes

D         Salmon Veggie bake

MONDAY

B         Eggs or Millet/quinoa flakes

L          Leftovers

D         Turkey Fried Rice, Relish tray with hummus

TUESDAY

B         Eggs or millet/quinoa flakes

L          Turkey Fried Rice Leftovers

D         Pot Roast with onion, rutabaga, carrots

WEDNESDAY

B         Cauliflower pancakes

L          Salmon loaf and/or leftovers

D         Garbanzo bean soup and/or leftovers

THURSDAY

B         Eggs and turkey bacon

L          “Runzas” over rice with salad

D         Crock pot chicken with rutabaga, carrots, onion, served with Rice

FRIDAY

B         Omelet

L          Chicken vegetable soup

D         Hamburgers with caramelized onions, tomatoes, lettuce, sweet potatoes

DESSERT:  Baked apples with cinnamon!!!  Hurray!!!

Fear and guilt and Bonhoeffer

I finally did it.  I killed Bonhoeffer.  Well, I didn't really kill him, but after months of "reading" (I actually read most of it months ago), I got to the end of Eric Metaxas's biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Do you do that?  Know the end of the book, so you enjoy the enjoyable parts and put off facing the less-enjoyable parts?

I was privileged to sit under the teaching of David McCullough (voice of the History Channel) for a week while I was in college.  I remember him talking about writing his book on John Adams.  He talked about how much he enjoyed researching and writing the book and how he put off writing the final chapter.  As I recall, he delayed for quite some time before telling his wife that he had to face it alone.  Then he shut himself in his office, wrote the end, and mourned.

I can't say I was as tight with Bonhoeffer as McCullough was with Adams, but I still felt that... that desire to put off the inevitable.

So now that it's over, it seems only right to go back and put down my favorite sections from the book.  What I learned most from the life of Bonhoeffer is that there are times in the Christian life when ends justifies means.  I've spent my whole life with what some would call an "overactive" conscience.  (My parents loved it!)  And I'm grateful for what others have labeled a "Catholic conscience" that encourages me to quickly feel guilt for wrongdoing and sometimes feel guilt even when I've done no wrong.

Having said that, I have always struggled with things like vigilante justice.  When I think about it, even acts of disobedience such as our Founders perpetrated would have sent me into a guilty fit had they been my own acts.  Yet Bonhoeffer, a pastor, theologian, and respected leader was deeply involved in a plot to murder Hitler.  We're clearly commanded not to murder, but Bonhoeffer felt no guilt for this - instead, he felt called by God to help carry out the plot.

Additionally, some who saw the hard things happening in Germany believed it irresponsible to carry on in things like marriage and having children - what if one left behind a widow?  or orphaned children?  or worse, what if wife and children were tortured to get information?  Bonhoeffer was engaged just before his imprisonment, and he, to the end, held fast that this was God's will for His life and that living in such dark times was no reason to have guilt over simple pleasures like a pending marriage.  Metaxas, his biographer, explains:

Bonhoeffer knew that to live in fear of incurring "guilt" was itself sinful.  God wanted his beloved children to operate out of freedom and joy to do what was right and good, not out of fear of making a mistake.  To live in fear and guilt was to be "religious" in the pejorative sense that Bonhoeffer so often talked and preached about.  He knew that to act freely could mean inadvertently doing wrong and incurring guilt.  In fact, he felt that living this way meant that it was impossible to avoid incurring guilt, but if one wished to live responsibly and fully, one would be willing to do so. (pg 424)

Isn't that great?  "God wanted his beloved children to operate out of freedom...not out of fear of making a mistake."  I and my guilty conscience get that one wrong a lot.  Fear isn't a proper motivator.  Instead freedom and joy in doing right should be the thing that lights a fire under us.  And fear of what will happen when we do good (i.e. what God's telling us we should do) should in no way hinder our action.

Another passage I particularly liked had to do with what I often term "the urgent vs. the important."  Bonhoeffer traveled to America at one point knowing that a tenure in America would keep him safe from possible imprisonment, torture and death.  While in America, he records in his journal on the 15th of June, 1939,

This inactivity, or rather activity in unimportant things, is quite intolerable when one thinks of the brethren and of how precious time is.  The whole burden of self-reproach because of a wrong decision comes back again and almost overwhelms one.  I was in utter despair. (p330)

Bonhoeffer knew he should have stayed in Germany, but he didn't.  And now he's sitting in America discussing perfectly normal things with Americans, but inside he's thinking only about his friends, family, and countrymen in the greatest trials of their lives back in Germany and he can't help them.  Things seem important - teaching, educating the next generation and modeling the life of a disciple was of utmost importance to Bonhoeffer - until it's put in the light of the more important suffering of his people.

I love that quote.  While I can't relate to it in that way at all, I get it.  I feel like Bonhoeffer and I shared not only the tendency toward a guilty conscience which must be overcome, but also wrestled with the urgent things distracting from the important and the necessity of prioritizing.

Here we go with another one that I just love:

...We simply cannot be constant with the fact that God's cause is not always the successful one, that we really could be "unsuccessful" and yet be on the right road.

Bonhoeffer wrote that in his Advent letter  in 1938.  He was frustrated with the idea that circulates all too often in among Christians, that if we're doing something good (like making a statement against Hitler) and things don't go well (like people bail out, the statement doesn't have the desired impact, the noose tightens) then we assume that we picked the wrong path.  In America today it's more like, "I hate my new job - I must have picked the wrong one."  "Success" does not equal God's cause.  And I like how Bonhoeffer says, "We simply cannot be constant..." We're so wishy-washy.  I am.  I question immediately if things feel like they're going to be uncomfortable for me.  Did I do the right thing?  Clearly God wouldn't want me to be uncomfortable, right?  I must need to change my course.  Wrong.  I must need to pray and study and ask that the Spirit show me what God's cause is for me, and pray that if that cause is not a successful one that I would be constant enough to remain in it as long as God would have me to do so.

Looking back over the book, Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy was enlightening and enjoyable.  He lived an incredible life and to the end was said to be patient, faithful, and enjoyable to be around.  Considering his circumstances, that's something.  I'm miserable to be around and my only complaint is my stupid diet.

So I have learned something, and I hope something I have shared has helped you learn something too.

Candida diet myths

Chase and I have now been on this high-protien and veggies-only, no simple carbs, no fruit, no sugar or sweeteners of any kind diet for a week.  And we've survived.  I'd even say we haven't hated it as much as we expected to, but our hate-expectations were pretty high.  It's no stretch to say that I'm on this diet because it's what's best for my family, and not because I get any enjoyment out of it at all.

I've done a lot of research on the Candida diet over the past couple of weeks, and if you're new to the diet, let me debunk a few myths you'll find out there:

1.  They'll say that protein keeps you full - protein doesn't keep you full for a long time, at least not on this diet.  If anyone ever tells you that "protein is what keeps you full," do me a favor and tell them to take their protein and stuff it - you can tell them that it's from Steph.  Today I ate a normal breakfast at 7:30, was hungry by 9, had a snack at 9:30 and ate like a stinking horse at noon - put down more food than a person my size ever should - and I was starving again at 3.  I wasn't able to eat again until 4:30 at which time I had a large snack, then ate dinner at 6:30, then second-dinner at 7:30, then snack at 8:30.  I'm finally feeling full... and like a hobbit.  You will have to eat often, and a little Tupperware full of celery will not do the trick - take hummus, unsweetened almond butter, and/or unsweetened natural yogurt in which to dip your veggies AND something else or you will feel like you're starving.  Take/make more than you think you'll need.  You'll probably need it all.

2.  You will have to eat weird foods you've never heard of - you can eat well and normal foods on this diet and avoid major cravings, but it will take work.  "Easy Candida Recipes" exist, but you can't live on them.  I've probably spent 20 to 30 hours simply researching dietary options over the last 3 weeks.  Of all the recipes in my 8 or 9 cookbooks, I found about 25 that fit or could be adapted to this diet.  It takes time, especially at the beginning, to find what will work for you.  But the research time is worth it - I'm glad to have food that is at least somewhat appetizing, and sometimes even delicious to eat - food that fits my tastes.

3.  It can be done easily - eating well will not only take research work, but also cooking work, and dishes.  Oh. My. Dishes.  I feel like I've done equal amounts of sleeping and dishes over the past couple of weeks.  Add in the cooking and planning time, and I basically picked up a full-time job by starting this diet.  It can all work, but it takes a lot of work, especially at the beginning.  But persevere!  You can do it!!!!

4.  You'll lose weight - this diet won't necessarily make you lose weight.  My hubby is down about 8 lbs in one week.  I'm holding steady right where I was when we started.  This is good because I need to not lose weight, and he had a little he could lose with a little effort.  So, evaluate your goals and count calories if you're concerned about losing/gaining weight.  Odds are that you will have to eat a lot more on this diet than you did previously to not lose weight - it takes a lot of carrots and celery to equal the calories in a cinnamon roll.

5.  You'll be on it forever and you'll no longer be normal - it is possible to enjoy mostly normal life on this diet.  Do we sit around and talk about how much we'll appreciate "the little things" like eating rolls and sweets and treats and corn and bread?  Yes.  Absolutely.  Do we whine, gripe, complain, and lament what we can't have, what we didn't appreciate before, and where we can't eat now (mostly restaurants)?  Yes.  But we are still living a normal life, doing all the things we normally did before (plus more cooking at home and doing dishes).  If you're in the depths of despair (like I was 2 weeks ago when I first researched this diet), look up - there is hope!  You will make it and it will be fine!

There you have it.  I'm no expert.  I've been doing this (imperfectly, and learning more each day) for a week now.  I'll share my meal plan for the last week in a post soon, but for now, just know that you can make it through.  And if you're not on a candida diet, please enjoy those sugars, simple carbs, breads, and all other deliciousness, in moderation, of course.  If I were you, I would!  :)

It finally happened... BLECH!!!!!!

That last blog post - the one about the diet - well, we're still on the diet, but my attitude has, mercifully (for all of us) shifted.  The change took place after I wrote the blog post.  See!  I told you this is how I process things!  :)  I moved from denial and hatred on Tuesday to acceptance and optimism on Wednesday.  Since Wednesday I've been researching recipes and substitutions, I've been meal planning and grocery shopping, I've been cooking and doing dishes, and doing dishes, and doing dishes, and doing more dishes.

I feel like Tuesday was a long time ago, but maybe that's just because I haven't had any simple carbs, sugar, yeast, or bread of any kind since then.  Lily has gotten very good at making and bringing me the only kinds of sweets I can have: pretend ones...

(Her face in this picture cracks me up, because it's exactly how I feel about this whole diet nonsense.  It's like she's looking at me and her little face is saying, "Mom, plastic cake, really?  That's the closest you can get to sugar?  Really?)

I've made quinoa (a new favorite in our house) twice, brown rice once, and other than that, it's been lots and LOTS of veggies and meat.  I've been pleasantly surprised at the things I find myself enjoying these days - things I would have casually walked past at a church potluck (you know those "salads" with all those ingredients you don't *quite* recognize?), I am now eating by the pot full.

Yesterday, Lily and I spent most of the day in town getting groceries and other necessities, and it took a while to find some things.  For example, rutabaga - who knew it was in the refrigerated section next to the beets?  Also, beets.  Who knew they were right there by the ginger?  Etc, etc, etc...

I even found almond butter without additives in the stinky section at HyVee.  I call the natural foods section the stinky section because ALL natural food sections/stores smell *exactly* the same.  Why is that?  What is it about not putting sugar or food coloring or other additives in things that makes those aisles smell horrible?  Also, how does the rest of HyVee not stink?  It's incredible!

I also found buckwheat flour in the natural foods section at HyVee.  It may actually offer some explanation as to why that aisle stinks.

Up until tonight we've liked just about everything new I've made.  We may have little differences of opinion about things - I don't mind the homemade yogurt whereas it's not Chase's preferred snack, and I love avocado in salads and he simply doesn't prefer it - but on the whole, we've found good, even tasty, things to eat.  But then...

But then tonight I tried a recipe for so-called "bread."  With very few ingredients on the list (water, baking soda, salt, eggs, and buckwheat flour), I only had to buy one special ingredient, and could you really go wrong with "flour?"  The answer to that question is a resounding YES!!!!

I dumped my other ingredients into the bowl, measured the buckwheat flour and stirred.  The odd gray/brown consistency was different but not totally crazy.  It looked kind of like bread made with dark fruit mixed in or something.  I smelled the flour bag - no smell or hint of what was to come.  So I put the glob of dough in a pan set the timer for 35 minutes and stuck it in the oven.

About 30 minutes into the cook time an aroma stench began emanating from my oven.  I turned on the oven light - all looked well!  It looked like a nicely browning top of a loaf of dark bread.  *Maybe it will smell differently as it finishes cooking and cools,* I naively thought.  Five minutes later I removed the "bread" from the oven and dumped it out of the pan.

It was dark.  It was springy.  It was the right looking consistency and feel.  I couldn't help myself!  It looked like chocolate bread!!!  I cut a piece.  It didn't feel quite right and oh my.  The smell.  I took the tiniest pinch of it from the heel I was holding and stuck it in my mouth.  I chewed once.  I bent over the plate with the bread and spit all that I could onto the top of the remaining loaf.

There's only one other time I had that kind of reaction to food.  It was in college when my roommate and I went to a Greek place to eat.  I don't like olives to begin with, but she talked me into trying a kalamata olive. I very nearly puked right there in the restaurant.  Fortunately for me and everyone else there I managed to spit it out before anything too embarrassing happened, but it was close.

"Buckwheat bread" is not bread for eating at all.  I can think of tons of things it might be good for, like as couch cushion stuffing, or as something to sit a the bottom of your trash can and soak up all the liquid that inevitably drips to the bottom of the bag (don't you hate it when there's a tiny hole that leaks a trail of drips across your floor!), or it would be a great option for punishing society's worst offenders.  I can just see the judge handing down the sentence:  "Guilty.  427 years to life in a maximum security facility.  And buckwheat bread for life."  The sentenced begs on hands and knees, "No judge!  Not that!  Anything but that!  I did it.  I deserve 427 years in the slammer - I'll go to the grave straight from my cell, but NOT BUCKWHEAT BREAD!!!!!"

*Side Note* If anyone has need of a partially used bag of buckwheat flour, I have one.  And it is free to any chump person who is foolish brave enough to take it.  Message me on Facebook if you're interested.

So now I'm in bed blogging about how horrific the bread was, and the bread is stuffed in the trash can.  To brighten the end of the day, here are a couple of recent pictures of Lil.  Nothing brightens a bad situation like she does:

(sporting Mommy's gloves.  This girl knows style.)