I finally did it. I killed Bonhoeffer. Well, I didn't really kill him, but after months of "reading" (I actually read most of it months ago), I got to the end of Eric Metaxas's biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Do you do that? Know the end of the book, so you enjoy the enjoyable parts and put off facing the less-enjoyable parts?
I was privileged to sit under the teaching of David McCullough (voice of the History Channel) for a week while I was in college. I remember him talking about writing his book on John Adams. He talked about how much he enjoyed researching and writing the book and how he put off writing the final chapter. As I recall, he delayed for quite some time before telling his wife that he had to face it alone. Then he shut himself in his office, wrote the end, and mourned.
I can't say I was as tight with Bonhoeffer as McCullough was with Adams, but I still felt that... that desire to put off the inevitable.
So now that it's over, it seems only right to go back and put down my favorite sections from the book. What I learned most from the life of Bonhoeffer is that there are times in the Christian life when ends justifies means. I've spent my whole life with what some would call an "overactive" conscience. (My parents loved it!) And I'm grateful for what others have labeled a "Catholic conscience" that encourages me to quickly feel guilt for wrongdoing and sometimes feel guilt even when I've done no wrong.
Having said that, I have always struggled with things like vigilante justice. When I think about it, even acts of disobedience such as our Founders perpetrated would have sent me into a guilty fit had they been my own acts. Yet Bonhoeffer, a pastor, theologian, and respected leader was deeply involved in a plot to murder Hitler. We're clearly commanded not to murder, but Bonhoeffer felt no guilt for this - instead, he felt called by God to help carry out the plot.
Additionally, some who saw the hard things happening in Germany believed it irresponsible to carry on in things like marriage and having children - what if one left behind a widow? or orphaned children? or worse, what if wife and children were tortured to get information? Bonhoeffer was engaged just before his imprisonment, and he, to the end, held fast that this was God's will for His life and that living in such dark times was no reason to have guilt over simple pleasures like a pending marriage. Metaxas, his biographer, explains:
Bonhoeffer knew that to live in fear of incurring "guilt" was itself sinful. God wanted his beloved children to operate out of freedom and joy to do what was right and good, not out of fear of making a mistake. To live in fear and guilt was to be "religious" in the pejorative sense that Bonhoeffer so often talked and preached about. He knew that to act freely could mean inadvertently doing wrong and incurring guilt. In fact, he felt that living this way meant that it was impossible to avoid incurring guilt, but if one wished to live responsibly and fully, one would be willing to do so. (pg 424)
Isn't that great? "God wanted his beloved children to operate out of freedom...not out of fear of making a mistake." I and my guilty conscience get that one wrong a lot. Fear isn't a proper motivator. Instead freedom and joy in doing right should be the thing that lights a fire under us. And fear of what will happen when we do good (i.e. what God's telling us we should do) should in no way hinder our action.
Another passage I particularly liked had to do with what I often term "the urgent vs. the important." Bonhoeffer traveled to America at one point knowing that a tenure in America would keep him safe from possible imprisonment, torture and death. While in America, he records in his journal on the 15th of June, 1939,
This inactivity, or rather activity in unimportant things, is quite intolerable when one thinks of the brethren and of how precious time is. The whole burden of self-reproach because of a wrong decision comes back again and almost overwhelms one. I was in utter despair. (p330)
Bonhoeffer knew he should have stayed in Germany, but he didn't. And now he's sitting in America discussing perfectly normal things with Americans, but inside he's thinking only about his friends, family, and countrymen in the greatest trials of their lives back in Germany and he can't help them. Things seem important - teaching, educating the next generation and modeling the life of a disciple was of utmost importance to Bonhoeffer - until it's put in the light of the more important suffering of his people.
I love that quote. While I can't relate to it in that way at all, I get it. I feel like Bonhoeffer and I shared not only the tendency toward a guilty conscience which must be overcome, but also wrestled with the urgent things distracting from the important and the necessity of prioritizing.
Here we go with another one that I just love:
...We simply cannot be constant with the fact that God's cause is not always the successful one, that we really could be "unsuccessful" and yet be on the right road.
Bonhoeffer wrote that in his Advent letter in 1938. He was frustrated with the idea that circulates all too often in among Christians, that if we're doing something good (like making a statement against Hitler) and things don't go well (like people bail out, the statement doesn't have the desired impact, the noose tightens) then we assume that we picked the wrong path. In America today it's more like, "I hate my new job - I must have picked the wrong one." "Success" does not equal God's cause. And I like how Bonhoeffer says, "We simply cannot be constant..." We're so wishy-washy. I am. I question immediately if things feel like they're going to be uncomfortable for me. Did I do the right thing? Clearly God wouldn't want me to be uncomfortable, right? I must need to change my course. Wrong. I must need to pray and study and ask that the Spirit show me what God's cause is for me, and pray that if that cause is not a successful one that I would be constant enough to remain in it as long as God would have me to do so.
Looking back over the book, Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy was enlightening and enjoyable. He lived an incredible life and to the end was said to be patient, faithful, and enjoyable to be around. Considering his circumstances, that's something. I'm miserable to be around and my only complaint is my stupid diet.
So I have learned something, and I hope something I have shared has helped you learn something too.
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